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Do you agree or disagree? In the modern world, we should be never be impolite to another person. v.12

In the modern world, we should be never be impolite to another person. v. 12
All the time shopping a human habit existed and it was a way for resolving the needs. In the past it assumed daily routine activity, however, nowadays it is mostly like a hobby. Both of these have advantages and disadvantages to some extent. In this essay, it is trying to analyse both sides to get a reasoned conclusion. First of all, ancient societies should buy their routine needs by the bazaar which sometimes was not near or accessible all the time. For example, having groceries all year was impossible, so they bought as much as they can to store for the rest of the year. In this situation, while the demand was not in hand every day, people should make shopping a routine domestic task. Thus, it is obvious that shopping was not a hobby, but it was a duty. On the other side, shopping at this time become a hobby. People have access to all they want for them to survive as soon as possible by simple ways such as online ordering. Moreover, while the basic needs are ordinary things, its meaning changes to buy things for fun which are not vital, for example, electronics or party dresses. As an example, whenever people want to buy their needs from a shopping mall, the main goal is to have fun with their children. Therefore, shopping as a hobby is now more popular than resolving a need. To summarize, the main goal of both is to resolve the need, however, because of the accessibility of goods these days, it becomes a real joyful hobby. In the future, if this trend remains, it will be a waste of time to go shopping.
All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
a human habit existed and it was a way for resolving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. In the past it assumed daily routine activity,
however
, nowadays it is
mostly
like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. Both of these have advantages and disadvantages to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. In this essay, it is trying to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both sides to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a reasoned conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, ancient societies should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
by the bazaar which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
was not near or accessible all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, having groceries all year was impossible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
as much as they can to store for the rest of the year. In this situation, while the demand was not in hand every day,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
a routine domestic task.
Thus
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
was not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was a duty.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have access to all they want for them to survive as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible by simple ways such as online ordering.
Moreover
, while the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
are ordinary things, its meaning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things for fun which are not vital,
for example
, electronics or party dresses. As an example, whenever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall, the main goal is to have fun with their children.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more popular than resolving a need.

To summarize
, the main goal of both is to resolve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the accessibility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
these days, it becomes a real joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. In the future, if this trend remains, it will be a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world, we should be never be impolite to another person. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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