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Do you agree or diagree? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similiar to their parents' job than to choose jobs which are very different from their parents' jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Do you agree or diagree? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similiar to their parents' job than to choose jobs which are very different from their parents' jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Every one is different from the others. Even twins have different habits, tastes and opinions in their life. Every one has rights to choose own field of interest to do job. A child might have different school of thought then his parents. Therefore, I disagree that children should choose the same job as their parents have. To begin with, children might have interest in different field than family members. If a person has interest in various field, he can be more successful. For instance, most of the members in my family are in computer field. One of my cousines is graduated in computer science. He was engineer, but he has interest in cooking. One day he quit his job as an engineer and created his own cafe. Today he is an owner of successful and popular restaurant. Even though, none of my family members has ever think of opening a restaurant. Thus, interet matters a lot of than doing the same job as the parents do. Secondly, diversity of field will increase in family if children choose different job. Family members can have variety of topics for discussion because of diversity in field. For example. one of my friends is a dentist. His father is is professor. His mother works at library. Whenever, I visit his home, I have observed that they never stick to one topic. They have varieties in opinion and point of the view that I generally like. Therefore, it will have more fun if everyone is from different field. To sum up, choices and interests are essential parts to build a successful career. Parents would like to see their children at summit in their life. And it is possible only when children have their own interest and choice. Thus, I believe that children should chhose different jobs from their parents.
Every one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from the others. Even twins have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
habits, tastes and opinions in their life. Every one has rights to choose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. A child might have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
then his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Therefore
, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should choose the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. If a person has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, he can be more successful.
For instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. One of my
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "cousins", the plural form of the noun 'cousin'?
cousines
is graduated
in computer science. He was engineer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in cooking. One day he quit his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as an engineer and created his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
he is an owner of successful and popular restaurant.
Even though
, none of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
has ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of opening a restaurant.
Thus
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
interet
matters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
than doing the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do.

Secondly
, diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
will increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
can have variety of topics for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
discussion


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
of diversity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
For example
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
of my friends is a dentist. His father
Possible typo: you repeated a word
is is
professor. His mother works at library. Whenever, I visit his home, I have observed that they never stick to one topic. They have
The usual preposition for "varieties" is "of" not "in." Revise: "varieties of".
varieties in
opinion and point of the view that I
generally
like.
Therefore
, it will have more fun if everyone is from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
field.

To sum up, choices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
are essential parts to build a successful career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at summit in their life. And it is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
and choice.
Thus
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
chhose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you agree or diagree? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similiar to their parents' job than to choose jobs which are very different from their parents' jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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