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Do teenagers be punished with lengthy jail terms for their criminal acts or should they be given a chance or re-educated or rehaithuated, using community service programs? v.1

Do teenagers be punished with lengthy jail terms for their criminal acts or should they be given a chance or re-educated or rehaithuated, using community service programs? v. 1
It is recommended that younger children would be penalized by long-term lockup for their crime or they should get the education about the better person in society with the help of various facilities. Although, the youngest should able to get one chance to prove them as a good person in the community and also they improve themselves. On the one hand, while the younger children could be punished with long-time spend in jail, they cannot safe because that place does not perfect for them and they can be connected with other criminals and learning more criminal activities. So, it is dangerous to other people and it can be harmful to others. Subsequently, the teenager has a long life alive and they should take one chance to improve themselves. Moreover, adult children should be taken higher study by using the public system and improve their ability and knowledge. It can be useful for them in the future because their long life and their life they should get education and skills for better persons of society. Also, they can be helpful for society to increase the economy and sometimes, it can be useful to teach other children. As a result, it can be reduced the crime rate of town and a peaceful environment. To conclude, youngsters have been punishing of their criminal acts by permanent gaol rather either provide the education by using a diverse service. However, they should take a chance to improve themselves to the community as a flawless person.
It
is recommended
that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
be penalized
by long-term lockup for their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
crime or
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the education about the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in society with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of various facilities. Although, the youngest
Did you mean "should be able"?
should able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
one chance to prove them as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in the community and
also
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
themselves.

On the one hand, while the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
be punished
with long-time spend in jail, they cannot
The word "safe" is an adjective. Did you mean the verb "save"?
safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that place does not perfect for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they can
be connected
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
criminals and learning more criminal activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and it can be harmful to others.
Subsequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
has a long life
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
alive and
they should take one chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
themselves.

Moreover
, adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taken
higher study by using the public system and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their ability and knowledge. It can be useful for them in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their long life and their life they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
of society.
Also
, they can be helpful for society to increase the economy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, it can be useful to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the crime rate of town and a peaceful environment.

To conclude
, youngsters have been punishing of their criminal acts by permanent
Possible spelling mistake. 'gaol' is British English.
gaol
rather
either provide the education by using a diverse service.
However
, they should take a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
themselves to the community as a flawless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Do teenagers be punished with lengthy jail terms for their criminal acts or should they be given a chance or re-educated or rehaithuated, using community service programs? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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