Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do good exam results at school or college guarantee success in life Discuss Do you believe that studying hard will bring a better life v.2

Do good exam results at school or college guarantee success in life Discuss Do you believe that studying hard will bring a better life v. 2
Some people are dubious about whether or not gaining good results at school or university could guarantee a successful life in the future. I personally accept that achieving good results at school could bring some potential benefits but these achievements do not necessarily lead to a successful life in the future. First of all, it can be seen that some well-educated people who have been top students at university cannot become handy in the workplaces. Because they cannot put their knowledge into action properly, and they do not know how to use their information to open any doors in the company that they work in. Take for example a knowledgeable mechanical engineer who does not have any new ideas when he/she is hired in a big factory, in turn, he/she would not be that beneficial in the workplace. Furthermore, good education, by itself, cannot make a person succeed in his/her life. Secondly, in some cases, achieving excellent results at university leads to losing some opportunities. Because, as per statistics, top students spend a huge amount of their time studying, and they do not have enough time to socialize with people. In turn, they have less connections in comparison with ordinary people, and it makes them lose some of chances in their lives. Consequently, sometimes, an industrious student cannot take advantage of some opportunities in his/her life. However, I cannot close my eyes to the privileges which top students, due to their knowledge, have in their lives. For instance, a person who has graduated from a famous university and has a lot of knowledge could gain entry into a well-known company and find a satisfactory job with a handsome salary. So, good education could help a person to promote his/her life. In a nutshell, although accomplishing superb outcomes at university can help a person in his/her life, it does not necessarily guarantee a successful life in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dubious about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
results at school or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
could guarantee a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the future. I
personally
accept that achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
results at school could bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these achievements do not
necessarily
lead to a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the future.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have been top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
cannot become handy in the workplaces.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they cannot put their knowledge into action
properly
, and they do not know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their information to open any doors in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that they work in. Take
for example
a knowledgeable mechanical engineer who does not have any new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
when he/she
is hired
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
factory, in turn, he/she would not be that beneficial in the workplace.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
education, by itself, cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
his/her
life.

Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, achieving excellent results at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
leads to losing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opportunities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, as per statistics, top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend a huge amount of their time studying, and they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to socialize with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In turn, they have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun connections is countable.
less
connections
in comparison
with ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them lose
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the chances") or simply say "some chances".
some of chances
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, an industrious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
cannot take advantage of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
his/her
life.

However
, I cannot close my eyes to the privileges which top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, due to their knowledge, have in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who has graduated from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge could gain entry into a well-known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and find a satisfactory job with a handsome salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
education could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
his/her
life.

In a nutshell, although accomplishing superb outcomes at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it does not
necessarily
guarantee a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Do good exam results at school or college guarantee success in life Discuss Do you believe that studying hard will bring a better life v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts