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Do children behave better when they are physical punished or rewarded. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Do children behave better when they are physical punished or rewarded. v. 1
It is quite evident that nowadays the parents worry about their children regarding the physical punishment and an various rewards, which can improve the behaviour of children. So, both the aspects of improvement will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs, before commenting on my opinion. On the one hand, there are also having several reasons behind giving physical punishment, by which the behaviour of children would be improved. Firstly, pupils remember the physical punishment easily as compared to the other punishment because they feel and also experienced it. As a result of this, it will give reminder when children will doing the same mistake again and again. Therefore, they will stop to do it and improved their behaviour. Secondly, they also know their mistakes when they suffered from the punishment. For instance, nowadays, tiny children do not behave better with the society members also sometimes their language of talking is not good. So, parents are introducing the several types of physical punishment over them and it improved children's behaviour to their respective persons. Thus, it is a necessary to punish the children for their better behaviour. Indeed, in a certain case, not only the physical punishment improve the pupils' behaviour but giving a reward also tackle this situation. On the contradictory side, there are many effects of rewards, play a vital role for the good behaviour of children. First of all, rewards give a motivation and enthusiasm to the children, by which they can try to improve their behaviour and also sometimes it provides an unexpected result in their performance too. For example, parents and teachers gave a reward in form of medal to their pupils even though, they had achieved an average score in the examination. By which, they can build the confidence level and also try to the work hard. In result, they achieved sometimes a distinction score in their final exam. Hence, giving rewards is the effective way for improving the child's behaviour. In conclusion, it is quite fact that both the perspectives give a result regarding the improvement of pupil's behaviour. However, I am inclined towards the former view because it will be a more beneficial to the parents for improving the behaviour of their child by applying a physical punishment.
It is quite evident that nowadays the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
worry about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
and
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
various
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "reward"?
rewards
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, both the aspects of improvement will
be discussed
in the forthcoming paragraphs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
commenting on my opinion.

On the one hand, there are
also
having several reasons behind giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, by which the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Firstly
, pupils remember the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
easily
as compared to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel and
also
experienced it. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of this, it will give reminder when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will doing the same mistake again and again.
Therefore
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to do it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Secondly
, they
also
know their mistakes when they suffered from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
For instance
, nowadays, tiny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not behave better with the society members
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
their language of talking is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are introducing the several types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
over them and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to their respective persons.
Thus
, it is a necessary to punish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their better
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Indeed
, in a certain case, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the pupils'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
giving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
also
tackle this situation. On the contradictory side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
, play a vital role for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
give a motivation and enthusiasm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, by which they can try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it provides an unexpected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in their performance too.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers gave a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
in form of medal to their pupils
even though
, they had achieved an average score in the examination. By which, they can build the confidence level and
also
try to the work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, they achieved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a distinction score in their final exam.
Hence
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
is the effective way for improving the child's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

In conclusion
, it is quite fact that both the perspectives give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
regarding the improvement of pupil's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
However
, I
am inclined
towards the former view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will be a more beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for improving the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of their child by applying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay Do children behave better when they are physical punished or rewarded. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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