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Do agree or disagree/the extended family(grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. v.3

Do agree or disagree/the extended family(grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. v. 3
It is a highly debated issue whether or not the extended family such as grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles is less important now than it was in the past, and this topic can be approached from several angles du to its complexity. Deeply deliberating over the issue, I believe that the extended family is less important now than it was in the past and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning. To begin with, families in the past live close to each other because the people live in small towns so the family was important. . Nowadays, the world has developed and many villages were constructed and buit in a lot of lands so people live in these towns that are far from each other. In fact, families travel to find a good living condition and they separate from their cousins or relatives. Take myself as an example, when I was a child, I do remember that our aunts and uncles where lived in the same area and they came to our house to spend a good time. In fact, my father used to gather all the family in our life since he said that the family is really essential and we should strengthen this relationship. Frankly, my cousin used to give me a rid to my school since there was no public transportation. Actually, we used to live close to each other to get support from them and to help each other. In current days, no one of our relatives live close to us because we don' t need that since we depend on technology to get their news. In addition, the world has advanced and no one relies in other member of family so it is easy to drive and to reach to our destination. As we can clearly see the extended family is less important than before. Second, In the past, the extended families is imperative to work together in home since there were not factories to make things and products. For instance, three weeks ago, I read an article about the better living condition before ten years. The author talks about the importance of extended family in the life before and the relationship is different from before. In fact, the writer asserts that before families is really important to be gather in one place since they used to make their products in their house so all members work together to produce a lot of products and to gain a lot of money. Besides, they split the work between them and the grqandparents take care of children. In contrast, in current days, there is no need to work togather because there are plenty of factories that make products and needs of their residents. Also, now each one has an independent job and family and he could thrive by himself. This book taught me that the extended family is less important than before. by the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I firmly concur that the extended family is less imperative than before but it is still sometimes we need to communicate with our family to spend a good time and the family plays a pivotal role in our society. Our family is specious and worthwhile.
It is a
highly
debated issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
such as grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than it was in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, and this topic can
be approached
from several angles
Possible spelling mistake found.
du
to its complexity.
Deeply
deliberating over the issue, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than it was in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
close to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Nowadays, the world has developed and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
villages
were constructed
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
buit
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
lands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in these towns that are far from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
travel to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
condition and
they separate from their cousins or relatives. Take myself as an example, when I was a child, I do remember that our aunts and uncles where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the same
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
area and
they came to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to spend a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time. In fact, my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to gather all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in our life since he said that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
really
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
essential and
we should strengthen this relationship.
Frankly
, my cousin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to give me a rid to my school since there was no public transportation. Actually, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
close to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from them and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
days, no one of our relatives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
close to us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
that since we depend on technology to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their news.
In addition
, the world has advanced and no one
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "relies on".
relies
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
member of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is easy to drive and to reach to our destination. As we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Second, In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is imperative to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together in home since there were not factories to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
, three weeks ago, I read an article about the better living condition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
ten years. The author talks about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in the life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
and the relationship is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
. In fact, the writer asserts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to be
Consider using a past participle here: "gathered".
gather
in one place since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
all members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together to produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.
Besides
, they split the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
between them and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
grqandparents
take care of children.
In contrast
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
days, there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Possible spelling mistake found.
togather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of factories that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of their residents.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
each one has an independent job and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
he could thrive by himself. This book taught me that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I
firmly
concur that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
imperative than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to communicate with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to spend a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
plays a pivotal role in our society. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is specious and worthwhile.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
67Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Do agree or disagree/the extended family(grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
542 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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