Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Essay topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to give your opinion. v.2

Essay topic: Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to give your opinion. v. 2
Libraries are very important for students to study there. In order for students to get specious information, universities should improve and enhance their libraries, but in addition for that universities should focus on sports activities since these activities play a pivotal role in students' life. In my view, universities should give the same money to their students' sport activities as they give to university libraries for two imperative reasons. First, they are good for the health of the students. As we know that healthy brain comes from healthy body, so collages should spend money to their facilities to help students to be in a good health and to enhance their studying. For example, when I was in pharmacy school, our biology professor explained to us that sports including exercise are very essential to increase the circulation of the blood and this in turn will increase the oxygen go to the our brain. In fact, He asserted that this will endorse the ability of the brain to take more information that the students receive. In addition, this will improve the memory so they will able to memorize the information in text books. Actually, he encourged us to be a member in the sports club in the campus, so I decided to share there and I engaged in tennis team. It was extremely beneficial to my health and to my education. This experience taught me that universities should add money for sports facilities. Second, sports activities will motivate students and this will attract more students to universities. Some students have interest in sports and they will be appealed to universities that have more developed sport activities such as more participating in games and more advance one. For instance, three years ago, my brother graduated from high school and he didn' t like to attend a university because he likes playing basketball. Actually, my parents were disappointed because of that but I talked with my brother about a university that has a good reputaion of basketball team. Besides, this team has a lot of performances over the world and I told him that he could engage in this team and study their so he will manage his time between education and his interest. Surprisingly, he motivated and convinced to attend that collage and he succeed in his education and in his playing because he played a lot of games and he recieved an award, so this supported him to be an effective person in the world. without this sports in the university, he wouldn' t have finished his study. As we clearly see, sports activities are important for students. By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I firmly concur that universities should spend the same money for sports activities as the libraries because they are worthwhile and they have many advantages socialy and they are good for health.
Libraries are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study there. In order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
specious information,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and enhance their libraries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in addition
for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
play a pivotal role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; life. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should give the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as they give to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
libraries for two imperative reasons.

First
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. As we know that healthy brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from healthy body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
collages should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and to enhance their studying.
For example
, when I was in pharmacy school, our biology professor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
to us that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
including exercise are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to increase the circulation of the blood and this in turn will increase the oxygen go to
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our brain" or "the brain"?
the our brain
. In fact, He asserted that this will endorse the ability of the brain to take more information that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
receive.
In addition
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the memory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to memorize the information in text books. Actually, he
Possible spelling mistake found.
encourged
us to be a member in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
club in the campus,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I decided to share there and I engaged in tennis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
. It was
extremely
beneficial to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and to my education. This experience taught me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and this will attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have interest in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
they will
be appealed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
that have more developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as more participating in games and more advance one.
For instance
, three years ago, my brother graduated from high
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
he
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t like to attend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he likes playing basketball. Actually, my parents
were disappointed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I talked with my brother about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
that has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
reputaion
of basketball
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
Besides
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
performances over the world and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
him that he could engage in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and study their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he will manage his time between education and his interest.
Surprisingly
, he motivated and convinced to attend that
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
collage and
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "succeeds", "succeeded".
succeed
in his education and in his playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he played
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
he
Possible spelling mistake found.
recieved
an award,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this supported him to be an effective person in the world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
without
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, he
Possible spelling mistake found.
wouldn&
#039; t have finished his study. As we
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for students.

By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I
firmly
concur that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should spend the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as the libraries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
worthwhile and
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
socialy and
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay topic: Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to give your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
479 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts