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Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. Do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v.1

Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. with this view? v. 1
Universities have a variety of students who are different from each other in terms of their behavior and attitude. Some pupils show a great attitude in the classroom, whereas others do not pay much attention to it. I believe that the idea of keeping them isolated from their peers would not be a great thought as it can lead to discrimination and they would not encourage themselves to be obedient and disciplined. Firstly, isolating unruly from their peers cannot be a good strategy to improve their behavior. This is to say that such technique could lead to discrimination. For example, a recent survey conducted by the Psychology Department of New York State University states that 60% of students get frustrated due to the teacher's biased behavior. Hence, all students must be treated in a same manner to improve their reactions. Secondly, encouragement is a factor of utmost importance to develop a positive behavior within an individual's character. Therefore, stubborn and complicated students should be encouraged and motivated so that they could come back on the right track. Disobedient and noisy students can change their attitudes by seeing how their fellow pupils are being praised by their teachers for their obedience. For example, an article written in Daily Dawn News discussed about the ignored students that shows, encouragement can motivate disobedient students to change their personality disorders. To summarize, every student in the university has different attitude and behavior. It would be wise if we could eliminate the element of discrimination, rather we should do more counselling to make them realize the negative aspects of their personality.
Universities have a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from each other in terms of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
in the classroom, whereas others do not pay much attention to it. I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of keeping them isolated from their peers would not be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as it can lead to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
discrimination and
they would not encourage themselves to be obedient and disciplined.

Firstly
, isolating
unruly
from their peers cannot be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
strategy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. This is to say that such technique could lead to discrimination.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by the Psychology Department of New York State University states that 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
frustrated due to the teacher's biased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
Hence
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be treated
Consider replacing "in a same manner" with the adverb for "same"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a same manner
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their reactions.

Secondly
, encouragement is a factor of utmost importance to develop a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
within an individual's character.
Therefore
, stubborn and complicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
and motivated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back on the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
. Disobedient and noisy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitudes
by seeing how their fellow pupils are
being praised
by their teachers for their obedience.
For example
, an article written in Daily Dawn News
Did you mean simply "discussed the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussed about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, encouragement can motivate disobedient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their personality disorders.

To summarize
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in the university has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. It would be wise if we could eliminate the element of discrimination,
rather
we should do more counselling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them realize the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of their personality.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. with this view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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