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Happiness is considered very important in life. v.23

Happiness is considered very important in life. v. 23
Happiness is an indispensable emotional factor that we usually pursue in our everyday life. In terms of delineating happiness, it would be intractable, as the meaning varies from person to person. However, apparently, there are several contributing factors of happiness, by which people may incur exalted satisfactions and psychological forbearances. First of all, happiness may tend to have a definition that varies from several opinions of scholars. Though, I believe it is a simplest need of human being, which could be incurred from any living or material substance. Some people search out pleasure from their wealth, material possessions and social hierarchies while others believe that happiness is a treasure, which could be only possessed from companionship. For example, a supportive and caring family provides someone an utmost happiness and peace that could not be achieved by the lonely one. Additionally, other people may conquer this positive emotion by owning a mansion or driving an expensive car or having high social status. Apparently, there are several points that play an essential role to grab a happy and delightful life. Firstly, I assume that money could be the most eminent resource that may bring the smile to anyone’s face. Secondly, some happiness could not be traded-off with high salaries such as, having loving families or raise a child to be a good citizen or holding a top position at school or colleges. To conclude, happiness is a foremost essential part of our lives and we delineate this emotion by linking it with our surrounding environment and various stimulating factors.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is an indispensable emotional factor that we
usually
pursue in our everyday life. In terms of delineating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, it would be intractable, as the meaning varies from person to person.
However
,
apparently
, there are several contributing factors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, by which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may incur exalted satisfactions and psychological
Possible spelling mistake found.
forbearances
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
may tend to have a definition that varies from several opinions of scholars. Though, I believe it is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
simplest need of human being, which could
be incurred
from any living or material substance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
search out pleasure from their wealth, material possessions and social hierarchies while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a treasure, which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possessed from companionship.
For example
, a supportive and caring family provides someone an utmost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and peace that could not
be achieved
by the lonely one.
Additionally
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may conquer this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
emotion by owning a mansion or driving an expensive car or having high social status.

Apparently
, there are several points that play an essential role to grab a happy and delightful life.
Firstly
, I assume that money could be the most eminent resource that may bring the smile to anyone’s face.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
could not
be traded
-off with high salaries such as, having loving families or raise a child to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen or holding a top position at school or colleges.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a foremost essential part of our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
we delineate this emotion by linking it with our surrounding environment and various stimulating factors.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Happiness is considered very important in life. v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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