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Difference between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages? v.1

Difference between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages? v. 1
It's an unstoppable trend that different countries have become much more connected than before the result from the internet which we can call this trend Globalization. Globalization is manifested in every title of the world, and cultural globalization is a significant and sensitive part. There is no doubt that this has a good effect, but I would argue that the disadvantages can be more threatening. It is agreed that cultural exchanges with other country do bring benefits for the whole country’s value as well as citizens’ life. We surely learned a lot from other civilization and our country use some methods from other it's an improvement that we can enjoy a Hollywood movie from the USA and eating Indian food in a local restaurant or have an online social connection with a friend from the UK. The advantage of this is that we can know every custom and style all over the world and we shall wipe out some prejudices and cherish peace. However, local culture may disappear due to this cultural globalization. Some of island countries in the Pacific Ocean who used to have their own unique lifestyle are now totally lost because of the cultural invasion. What's more, some countries' locals only know how to speak English and their language is gradually disappearing. Every culture on earth is significant and beautiful and it's a shame that we let these beauties gone for good. As we are receiving foreigner lifestyle and fashion, we have to spread our own culture all over the world or it's just one direct input. Most importantly, we shall remember our own tradition and develop new stuff from traditional spiritual values. In conclusion, the disadvantages do outweigh the advantage of cultural globalization. Although we can benefit from cultural globalization, we have to be very cautious about this issue and protect every significant culture on this planet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
an unstoppable trend that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have become much more connected than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the result from the internet which we can call this trend Globalization. Globalization
is manifested
in every title of the world, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
globalization is a significant and sensitive part. There is no doubt that this has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would argue that the disadvantages can be more threatening.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
exchanges with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
do bring benefits for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
value
as well
as citizens’ life. We
surely
learned a lot from other civilization and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
an improvement that we can enjoy a Hollywood movie from the USA and eating Indian food in a local restaurant or have an online social connection with a friend from the UK. The advantage of this is that we can know every custom and style all over the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
we shall wipe out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prejudices and cherish peace.

However
, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
may disappear due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
globalization.
Consider using "Some island" or "Some of the island".
Some of island
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the Pacific Ocean who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique lifestyle are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
totally
lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
invasion. What's more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries' locals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know how to speak English and their language is
gradually
disappearing. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
on earth is significant and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
a shame that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
these beauties gone for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. As we are receiving foreigner lifestyle and fashion, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spread our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
all over the world or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one direct input. Most
importantly
, we shall remember our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tradition and develop new stuff from traditional spiritual values.

In conclusion
, the disadvantages do outweigh the advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
globalization. Although we can benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
globalization, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cautious about this issue and protect every significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
on this planet.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Difference between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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