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Difference between countries is becoming less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share some fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Difference between countries is becoming less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share some fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
There has been a recent trend amongst people from different parts of the world to share their lifestyle habits, evidently decreasing the differences between several nations. In my opinion, this global change has greater advantages than disadvantages to the world. The benefits of increased bonding among international inhabitants are improved relations between several nations and global peace. Firstly, enhanced ties between countries can lead to better understanding. Sharing one's interest in terms of food, clothing and television channels is a good way of knowing the other person. Thus, with the help of social networking platforms, it has become easy for people to accept each other's culture and traditions across borders. Additionally, with an awakened sense of respect for those living in other nations, there is always better scope for prevailing peace, especially at times of distress. On the downside, too much of globalization, due to sharing habits, can affect local communities. Localities, that survive by making and selling certain traditional items can suffer a huge economic setback due to reduced demand as a result. For example, nowadays, international apparel brands have experienced greater acceptance by shoppers, owing to greater sharing of information on social networking sites. Moreover, certain traditional values are also lost in the meanwhile. That is, when local items perish from the market, the customs and rituals of the particular community also lose their grip slowly. Thus, regional communities do stand a chance of suffering, at the behest of such increased bonding internationally. To conclude, it can be said that the advantages of good relations and world peace owing to habits shared across borders, far outweigh the disadvantages of losses happening at a local level. Therefore, such sharing habits can be believed to have a positive impact on our lives, in times to come.
There has been a recent trend amongst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world to share their lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
,
evidently
decreasing the differences between several nations. In my opinion, this global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has greater advantages than disadvantages to the world.

The benefits of increased bonding
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
international inhabitants are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
relations between several nations and global peace.
Firstly
, enhanced ties between countries can lead to better understanding.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sharing
one's
Did you mean "interested"?
interest
in terms of food, clothing and television channels is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of knowing the other person.
Thus
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of social networking platforms, it has become easy for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to accept each other's culture and traditions across borders.
Additionally
, with an awakened sense of respect for those living in other nations, there is always better scope for prevailing peace,
especially
at times of distress.

On the downside, too much of globalization, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
, can affect local communities. Localities, that survive by making and selling certain traditional items can suffer a huge economic setback due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
demand
as a result
.
For example
, nowadays, international apparel brands have experienced greater acceptance by shoppers, owing to greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
of information on social networking sites.
Moreover
, certain traditional values are
also
lost in the meanwhile.
That is
, when local items perish from the market, the customs and rituals of the particular community
also
lose their grip
slowly
.
Thus
, regional communities do stand a chance of suffering, at the behest of such increased bonding
internationally
.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that the advantages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relations and world peace owing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
shared across borders, far outweigh the disadvantages of losses happening at a local level.
Therefore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
can
be believed
to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, in times to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Difference between countries is becoming less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share some fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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