Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Dieting to lose weight has become increasingly prevalent in the developed world. Why do you think people nowadays are so concerned with body shape and size? v.1

Dieting to lose weight has become increasingly prevalent in the developed world. Why do you think people nowadays are so concerned with body shape and size? v. 1
It is undeniable that youngsters should give assistance to people in their local community and neighbourhood. Although the vast majority of people believe the idea which says that youngsters should accept to work without getting paid, some people would argue that they should not be forced to do something even if it is a good thing. On the one hand, many people believe that teenagers should assist their local community for free. The reason behind this is that they believe this will enhance their sense of humanity, and will keep the environment of their community friendly and calm. For example, my uncle lives in a neighbourhood which is full of kindness and generosity, he said that he used to teach his children the true meaning of having good morals when dealing with others, and thus they have learnt why is it vital to deal with others politely even without getting paid. On the other hand, some people believe that youngsters should have not done any job without having a salary or payment. The reason with the fact that they believe that teenagers will averse doing something seems to be mandatory for them. Moreover, if the teenagers pushed to do something by force, they would perceive it as slavery, and they might be resentment. For instance, I worked as a teacher at Anderson High School in Amman, I faced a lot of such incidents during my work, so that I believe that youngsters should have a special care, especially at their age. In contrast, if these youngsters do not have this care, they will keep doing the wrong things. To conclude, although it is important to enhance the teenagers’ morals of their ages, it might be quite vital to focus on the way how are they dealing with others.
It is undeniable that youngsters should give assistance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their local community and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
. Although the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
which says that youngsters should accept to work without getting paid,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would argue that they should not
be forced
to do something even if it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should assist their local community for free. The reason behind this is that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
this will enhance their sense of humanity, and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the environment of their community friendly and calm.
For example
, my uncle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
which is full of kindness and generosity, he said that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to teach his children the true meaning of having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
morals when dealing with others, and
thus
they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
why is it vital to deal with others
politely
even without getting paid.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that youngsters should have not done any job without having a salary or payment. The reason with the fact that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will averse doing something seems to be mandatory for them.
Moreover
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
pushed to do something by force, they would perceive it as slavery, and they might be resentment.
For instance
, I worked as a teacher at Anderson High School in Amman, I faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
such incidents during my work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that youngsters should have a special care,
especially
at their age.
In contrast
, if these youngsters do not have this care, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
doing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things.

To conclude
, although it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers’
morals of their ages, it might be quite vital to focus on the way how are they dealing with others.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Dieting to lose weight has become increasingly prevalent in the developed world. Why do you think people nowadays are so concerned with body shape and size? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts