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Developing an industry is more important than saving the environment for endangered species. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Use specific details and examples to support your answer. v.1

Developing an industry is more important than saving the environment for endangered species. Use specific details and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Our word is in crisis mode. We are abusing our environment, destroying our forest, killing the habitat of millions of species around the world. I strongly disagree with the idea that industries are more important than saving species that are about to get extinct. First, let’s take, for example, the Amazon jungle. The amazon is the habitat of such a huge amount of diverse life that we need to protect no matter what. In addition, there are species of all kinds of organisms that we do not even know they exist there. We all should be protesting by how the Brazilian government is devastating the forest, burning and cutting down huge amounts of land, in order to make room for farmers to grow soya beans to sell to developing countries. What will happen in fifty years' time when the Amazonian forest disappeared? Industries will not be as important then, but if we do not take action now the Amazonian and all its habitat will vanish. Moreover, the knowledge found especially in ancient plants in the Amazonian could lead us to the cure of many diseases among them cancer. In the amazonian, there are vast amounts of endangered medical plants that can save us from killings illnesses like SIDA or cancer. In order for us to get to know the secrets of the plants, we need to preserve them. In addition, we should be talking to the locals that have already the knowledge to try to re-discover this lost memory of the world. Lastly, we cannot allow ourselves to continue to destroy endangered species like the African rhino for the sake of some cultures to use their horns as a powerful stimulant. Not only the African rhino is losing its habitat due to the extension of farming land by locals. But by the infamous power, its horn has on the testosterone level on men in some cultures. All in all, if we don’t save our endangered species like the ones in the Amazonian or the African rhino, our world is going t be a very sad place to live in the future.
Our word is in crisis mode. We are abusing our environment, destroying our forest, killing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitat
of millions of species around the world. I
strongly
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that industries are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than saving species that are about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extinct.

First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
’s take,
for example
, the Amazon jungle. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitat
of such a huge amount of diverse life that we need to protect no matter what.
In addition
, there are species of all kinds of organisms that we do not even
Did you mean "now"?
know
they exist there. We all should be protesting by how the Brazilian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is devastating the forest, burning and cutting down huge amounts of land, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
room for farmers to grow
Possible spelling mistake found.
soya
beans to sell to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. What will happen in fifty
Possible spelling mistake found.
years&
#039; time when the Amazonian forest disappeared? Industries will not be as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Comparison is written 'as important "as"'.
then
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we do not take action
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the Amazonian and all its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitat
will vanish.

Moreover
, the knowledge found
especially
in ancient plants in the Amazonian could lead us to the cure of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases among them cancer. In the amazonian, there are vast amounts of endangered medical plants that can save us from killings illnesses like SIDA or cancer. In order for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the secrets of the plants, we need to preserve them.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
addition, we should be talking to the locals that have already the knowledge to try to re-discover this lost memory of the world.

Lastly
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
ourselves to continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
endangered species like the African rhino for the sake of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their horns as a powerful stimulant. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the African rhino is losing its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitat
due to the extension of farming land by locals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
by the infamous power, its horn has on the testosterone level on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures.

All in all, if we don’t save our endangered species like the ones in the Amazonian or the African rhino, our world is going t be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sad place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Developing an industry is more important than saving the environment for endangered species. Use specific details and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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