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Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v.6

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 6
In the modern era, people are living a lifestyle that has minimal activity. Consequently, people face various physical and mental issues due to lack of activity. The following paragraphs will draw upon the problems and also discuss the potential solutions. Firstly, one of the consequences people face due to a sedentary way of living is because of a busy schedule. Hence, they became more prone to obesity and other issues, such as high blood pressure and stroke. Consuming pre-processed or cooked food adds on to this consequently have medical problems at a young age. As most individuals spend a considerable amount of time on technology at work or home. For instance, they are using computers or machines for household tasks. This further takes away the opportunity to interact or connect with others. Consequently, people today develop depression and anxiety issues, that might cross-impact in maintaining this unhealthy life. Therefore, it is becoming such a big challenge for the well being, that it can be managed by adopting minor changes in daily tasks. Looking at the solution, it is important to plan activities that allow enough movement while working in the office or home. For example, planning a walk around the block during break can help a person to change the scenery and allow for some fresh air and sun. In addition to this, replacing prepacked lunches with healthy fruits and salads can not only support healthy eating but also help to stay active. Another useful habit has time off without any technology to encourage people to connect with others. Planning a day with intentional reminders for moving or intermittent exercise can help as well. To conclude, an inactive life is the main reason for people having more issues at a very young age. This can be modified by creating small changes in the daily life that may benefit from restoring health and well being.
In the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living a lifestyle that has minimal activity.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face various physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
due to lack of activity. The following paragraphs will draw upon the problems and
also
discuss the potential solutions.

Firstly
, one of the consequences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face due to a sedentary way of living is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a busy schedule.
Hence
, they became more prone to obesity and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, such as high blood pressure and stroke. Consuming
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-processed
or cooked food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
on to this
consequently
have medical problems at a young age. As most individuals spend a considerable amount of time on technology at work or home.
For instance
, they are using computers or machines for household tasks. This
further
takes away the opportunity to interact or connect with others.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
develop depression and anxiety
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, that might cross-impact in maintaining this unhealthy life.
Therefore
, it is becoming such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
challenge for the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
, that it can
be managed
by adopting minor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in daily tasks.

Looking at the solution, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to plan activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
movement while working in the office or home.
For example
, planning a walk around the block during break can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the scenery and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fresh air and sun.
In addition
to this, replacing prepacked lunches with healthy fruits and salads can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
support healthy eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to stay active. Another useful habit has time off without any technology to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to connect with others. Planning a day with intentional reminders for moving or intermittent exercise can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
as well
.

To conclude
, an inactive life is the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age. This can
be modified
by creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the daily life that may benefit from restoring health and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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