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Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this¬? What solutions can you suggest? v.13

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this¬? What solutions can you suggest? v. 13
Nowadays, there are many gyms and other fitness institutions. In spite of this, many people are living an inactive lifestyle which involves little or no physical activity in the world. This essay will discuss one of the main problems associated with a sedentary lifestyle and suggest a variable solution. Generally, it is true that a large number of people are working and studying without active movement. In other words, they are often sitting or lying when they read a book or newspaper, watch television, play video games and use a mobile phone or computer for a long time in a day. As a consequence of living less physical exercise, people are getting sick and putting on weight. For instance, according to the data of the study, obesity is one of the biggest factors for type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and cancer. A solution to this worrying problem is living an active behaviour. Exercise has multiple physical health benefits. It can also have a positive impact on emotional well-being. Therefore, people need to change their way of life and habits; that is, they should do exercise and interested in sport, such as, tennis, basketball, volleyball, and yoga. Also they ought to walk and go hiking. For example, people who are living a dynamic are not only normal weight, but also healthy, happy and positive. In conclusion, the lethargic lifestyle has not any benefits. While an active behaviour brings many profits in human life. Furthermore, I believe that people can be motivated to engage themselves in physical activities.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gyms and other fitness institutions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
an inactive lifestyle which involves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity in the world. This essay will discuss one of the main problems associated with a sedentary lifestyle and suggest a variable solution.

Generally
, it is true that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working and studying without active movement.
In other words
, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
sitting or lying when they read a book or newspaper,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television, play video games and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a mobile phone or computer for a long time in a day. As a consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting sick and putting on weight.
For instance
, according to the data of the study, obesity is one of the biggest factors for type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and cancer.

A solution to this worrying problem is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
an active
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Exercise has multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health benefits. It can
also
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on emotional well-being.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their way of life and habits;
that is
, they should do exercise and interested in sport, such as, tennis, basketball, volleyball, and yoga.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they ought to walk and go hiking.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
a dynamic are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
normal weight,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
healthy, happy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

In conclusion
, the lethargic lifestyle has not any benefits.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
an active
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
profits in human life.
Furthermore
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be motivated
to engage themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this¬? What solutions can you suggest? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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