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Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v.11

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 11
It is increasingly common for people to live an inactive lifestyle, rather than maintain a physically active one. This essay will discuss about the relevant problems and how to tackle them by taking corrective measures. To begin with, there are some problems related to a sedentary lifestyle. People now usually tend to sit for a very long periods of time and they are not moving like they used to. So, when they eat more calories than they burn, they gain weight. As a result, that limited activity will cause obesity. An additional problem is that an inactive lifestyle can affect the mind as well because more depression will be produced if individuals lose the ability to be as active or mobile. For example, it has been proven that due to constant watching TV or playing electronic games, people can increase their risk for anxiety. Several actions can be taken to deal with these problems. One effective way would be to implement more exercise into daily routine. This can be done by going for a walk, taking the stairs or standing by working. These exercises not only are easy to do but also help people promote weight loss and attain a healthy weight. Additionally, people stay less active because they are driving a vehicle or travelling by bus instead of cycling. Therefore, the best solution is that people should be encouraged to walk or cycle to keep them active and protect the environment as well. In conclusion, it is indeed true that living an inactive life causes a lot of health problems, including obesity and depression. Some effective solutions are proposed is that individuals should do more exercise and change their commute.
It is
increasingly
common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an inactive lifestyle,
rather
than maintain a
physically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
one. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and how to tackle them by taking corrective measures.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
related to a sedentary lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
usually
tend to sit for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "period"?
periods
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they are not moving like they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when they eat more calories than they burn, they gain weight.
As a result
, that limited activity will cause obesity. An additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that an inactive lifestyle can affect the mind
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more depression will
be produced
if individuals lose the ability to be as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
or mobile.
For example
, it has
been proven
that due to constant watching TV or playing electronic games,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can increase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for anxiety.

Several actions can
be taken
to deal with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. One effective way would be to implement more exercise into daily routine. This can
be done
by going for a walk, taking the stairs or standing by working. These exercises not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are easy to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
promote weight loss and attain a healthy weight.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are driving a vehicle or travelling by bus
instead
of cycling.
Therefore
, the best solution is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to walk or cycle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
and protect the environment
as well
.

In conclusion
, it is
indeed
true that living an inactive life causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, including obesity and depression.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
effective solutions
are proposed
is that individuals should do more exercise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their commute.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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