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Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v.10

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 10
Nowadays, the popularity of inactive lifestyle is ascending day-to-day, in spite of a perceptible part of the gym facilities. In addition to this challenge, especially obesity and other diseases are going to increase, I think. Furthermore, the main two solutions of this is to urge people to do physical activities by advertising this kind of facilities and regularize TV shows related to sport. On top of sitting lifestyle, people start to gain excessive weight, which is a very dangerous type illness. In some countries, a healthy proportion of people died due to this sickness. Many individuals eat fast food, but do not train with physical activities. Although some people have the opportunity to train in special sport facilities, they simply get overweight instead of doing it. Evidently, if people do not train or move, they feel fragile and their muscles start to languish. As a result of this, other illnesses, such as low immunity, may appear. The feasible approach of inactive lifestyle is to advertise certain gym facilities, I believe. Moreover, people should organize sport shows which teach us and children, old people in particular to do physical activities. It really serves as trigger and urges people to do so, in my opinion. For example, there exists a great deal sport program like Healthy behaviour served as a motivational impulse for those who have no enough money to go to the gym. To conclude, obesity is a crucial trouble, and people burn their fewer calories if they do not do physical activities, as an outcome, it originates other hazardous illnesses. By advertising fun facilities and arranging TV sport shows can tackle sitting lifestyle of people
Nowadays, the popularity of inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is ascending day-to-day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
a perceptible part of the gym facilities.
In addition
to this challenge,
especially
obesity and other diseases are going to increase, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
Furthermore
, the main two solutions of this is to urge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by advertising this kind of facilities and regularize TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
related to sport.

On top of sitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to gain excessive weight, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
type illness. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, a healthy proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
due to this sickness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not train with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the opportunity to train in special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities, they
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
overweight
instead
of doing it.
Evidently
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not train or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
, they feel fragile and their muscles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to languish.
As a result
of this, other illnesses, such as low immunity, may appear.

The feasible approach of inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is to advertise certain gym facilities, I believe.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
which teach us and children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in particular
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It
really
serves as trigger and urges
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, in my opinion.
For example
, there exists a great deal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
program like Healthy
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
served as a motivational impulse for those who have no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to go to the gym.

To conclude
, obesity is a crucial trouble, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
burn their fewer calories if they do not do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, as an outcome, it originates other hazardous illnesses. By advertising fun facilities and arranging TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
can tackle sitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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