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Describe your experience of asking help from others. How have they helped you? Use examples and details to support your response. v.1

Describe your experience of asking help from others. How have they helped you? Use examples and details to support your response. v. 1
The advancement in technology and science has revolutionised our lives significantly in recent years. Some people mention that the working environment and types of work available to humankind will not be the same in the future as an increasing number of menial jobs are being replaced by robots and artificial intelligence. This essay will discuss what is causing this phenomenon, and also provide some ideas of how to accommodate anticipated changes in work places. An Increasing number of menial jobs which do not demand complex tasks and human intelligence are being replaced by the use of artificial robots at work places. In other words, human labours are no longer required, and as a result, those people who do not posses advanced skills face risks of loosing their jobs. For instance, Australian supermarkets have introduced automated paying stations, and this does not involve human workforces; therefore, less people are hired to fill in this position in the future. While the introduction of computerised systems reduces the cost of hiring human labours, this certainly changes current working conditions. As simpler tasks will be carried out by using computerised machines in the future, people should accommodate these changes by equipping necessary knowledge and skills. Firstly, schools should educate children and young people about changing working situations and make them prepared for it. In order to do so, school curriculums should incorporate more of computer technology and associated skills. Secondly, as less physical labours will be available to the human workforce in the future, companies and organisations should create new positions and provide training to employees who lack knowledge and skills. In conclusion, types of work available to human workforce will be changed significantly owing to the introduction of artificial intelligence and robots to replace existing physical tasks. People should prepare for this change by obtaining relevant computer skills and knowledge through school curriculums and input from companies and organisations.
The advancement in technology and science has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
significantly
in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mention that the working environment and types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
available to humankind will not be the same in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
as an increasing number of menial jobs are
being replaced
by robots and artificial intelligence. This essay will discuss what is causing this phenomenon, and
also
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of how to accommodate anticipated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places.

An Increasing number of menial jobs which do not demand complex tasks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
intelligence are
being replaced
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of artificial robots at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
are no longer required, and
as a result
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not posses advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
face
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of loosing their jobs.
For instance
, Australian supermarkets have introduced automated paying stations, and this does not involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
;
therefore
,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are hired
to fill in this position in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. While the introduction of
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
systems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the cost of hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
, this
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
working conditions.

As simpler tasks will
be carried
out by using
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
machines in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should accommodate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
by equipping necessary knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Firstly
, schools should educate children and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about changing working situations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them prepared for it. In order to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, school curriculums should incorporate more of computer technology and associated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Secondly
, as less physical
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
will be available to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
workforce in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should create new positions and provide training to employees who lack knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
workforce will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
owing to the introduction of artificial intelligence and robots to replace existing physical tasks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should prepare for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
by obtaining relevant computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and knowledge through school curriculums and input from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe your experience of asking help from others. How have they helped you? Use examples and details to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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