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Describe the woman's budgeting problem and the two suggestions that the man makes. What do you think the woman should do and why? v.1

Describe the woman's budgeting problem and the two suggestions that the man makes. What do you think the woman should do and why? v. 1
It is thought that marketing and promotion are the crucial elements that lead to the success of one business. In my opinion, while it somewhat makes sense that those activities bring profit to the company to some extent, I believe human resources and product quality play more vital roles. On the one hand, marketing and promotion help the company market its products to the perspective clients. In order words, through those means, not only can the firm gradually build its brand image towards its targeted market, but also provide necessary information about a particular product. For example, Yoplace ran its marketing campaign by giving free samples of its new produce in several stations across Vancouver last year. Besides, they also included the leaflet with details about new enzyme that could boost the digestion system work 30% more effectively. As a result, a potential client can differentiate a company’s product with others and finally proceed the sales. On the other hand, product quality and human resources take inevitable parts in a successful business. Generally, while marketing and promoting help plant the brand image for the first time, the quality of the product decides whether the client would buy it back again. For instance, although being impressed by the logo of a chubby and wealthy Michelin Tyre man, the clients are loyal to the tyre product mainly due to its durability. Consequently, a specific company has gained the valuable customers’ loyalty with stable sales. Another consideration is the human resources that should be worth taken into account. Without hard work manner, creativity and determination of the employees, no company is able to gain its success in a very competitive market. In order words, new product rooted from R&D result or effective sales strategies brainstormed by a management team has eventually led to a fruitful outcome for a particular organization. In conclusion, while marketing and promotion is considered to be the key for a business success, I would argue that product quality and the employees are unquestionably more essential.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
and promotion are the crucial elements that lead to the success of one business. In my opinion, while it somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense that those activities bring profit to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I believe human resources and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
play more vital roles.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
and promotion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
market its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to the perspective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
. In order words, through those means, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can the firm
gradually
build its brand image towards its targeted market,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide necessary information about a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yoplace
ran its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
campaign by giving free samples of its new produce in several stations across Vancouver last year.
Besides
, they
also
included the leaflet with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about new enzyme that could boost the digestion system work 30% more
effectively
.
As a result
, a potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
client
can differentiate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
with others and
finally
proceed the sales.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
and human resources take inevitable parts in a successful business.
Generally
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
and promoting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
plant the brand image for the
first
time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
decides whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
client
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it back again.
For instance
, although
being impressed
by the logo of a chubby and wealthy Michelin Tyre
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
are loyal to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'tyre' is British English.
tyre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
mainly
due to its durability.
Consequently
, a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has gained the valuable customers’ loyalty with stable sales.

Another consideration is the human resources that should be worth taken into account. Without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work manner, creativity and determination of the employees, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is able to gain its success in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive market. In order words, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
rooted from R&D result or effective sales strategies brainstormed by a management team has
eventually
led to a fruitful outcome for a particular organization.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
and promotion
is considered
to be the key for a business success, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
and the employees are
unquestionably
more essential.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe the woman's budgeting problem and the two suggestions that the man makes. What do you think the woman should do and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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