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Describe the most important decision that you have made in your life. Whywas it important to you? Use specific examples and details to support yourexplanation. v.1

Describe the most important decision that you have made in your life. Whywas it important to you? Use specific examples and details to support yourexplanation. v. 1
Schools play an important role for children's academical performance, yet many parents do not believe that the education their children take in schools is enough, as a result, they prefer to hire private tutors for their children after school. However, although students tend to miss an opportunity to spend time with their peers or family, I believe that the trend is a wholly positive for students. To begin with, it is argued that children are already busy with their academic timetable and homeworks given by their class teachers. In fact, the students grades vary and some students are way behind from their classmates, I, therefore, believe that learning with private tutors after school hours can fill the gap between the students who have better performance and the ones who performed poorly. Another benefit to hire a tutor is that they tend to aim to improve the students' grades in a short time period, which is especially necessary for peers who hope to get into renown institutes, such as Oxford and Cambridge university. I concede that it could be unfair to pupils from low-income household due to the expensive tutoring fee, it is worth to invest the amount of money for their own kids to let them have more choices in their future. To sum up, not only employing a tutor can improve students grades so as to follow their peers, tutors also help their students go to the better universities in the future. Therefore, I believe that the trend of parents providing a tutor for their sons or daughters brings more advantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for children's academical performance,
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the education their children take in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
as a result
, they prefer to hire private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tutors
for their children after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to miss an opportunity to spend time with their peers or family, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the trend is a wholly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for students.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
is argued
that children are already busy with their academic timetable and
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
teachers. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
grades vary and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are way behind from their classmates, I,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that learning with private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tutors
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours can fill the gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have better performance and the ones who performed
poorly
.

Another benefit to hire a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tutor
is that they tend to aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the students' grades in a short time period, which is
especially
necessary for peers who hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into renown institutes, such as Oxford and Cambridge university. I concede that it could be unfair to pupils from low-income household due to the expensive tutoring fee, it is worth to invest the amount of money for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them have more choices in their future.

To sum up, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
employing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tutor
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
grades
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
follow their peers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tutors
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to the better universities in the future.
Therefore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the trend of parents providing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tutor
for their sons or daughters brings more advantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Describe the most important decision that you have made in your life. Whywas it important to you? Use specific examples and details to support yourexplanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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