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Some students think that freshmen should live in their own dormitory building. Other students think that freshmen should share the same dormitory building with students who are from the second, third and forth grades. What is your opinion? Use specific de v.1

Some students think that freshmen should live in their own dormitory building. Other students think that freshmen should share the same dormitory building with students who are from the second, third and forth grades. What is your opinion? Use specific de v. 1
In the modern scenario, having a job is significant for a family to lead a stress-free life irrespective of gender. Woman are doing full- time jobs in many countries in order to support their family and the household chores should be shared by a man too, this phenomenon could not see before when women used to look after their children and family all the time, once she got married. I completely agree with the statement and would like to elucidate my supporting points in the following paragraphs. Women are conferring equal opportunities as men, which assist them to grab the right employment based on their qualifications and they become supportive of the family. The breadwinner has got financial assistance if he allows her to get into the job and also co-operates to do household chores together. They can enhance the standard of living and also confer quality education and other better amenities which make their children for better growing. For instance, a recent survey states that 75% more likely to engage multifarious jobs have been performed by female employees in India, which was a dramatic change attributed to the previous years. However, a male can also learn how to make cuisines even any emergencies occurs in the absences of his wife. He can cater to children and also take part in finishing their homework, which was done only by the wife before. Consequently, the rapport between children and their father become strong and the chances of sending the elderly to the old age home can be curtailed to some extent. Furthermore, a woman can enlarge their knowledge and skills by the way of interacting with others at the office, which would help to progress their professional career and also feel satisfied that they can take part in the responsibilities of the head of a family. To cite an example, the economic development of the country is getting refined owing to increase the woman empowerment, an economic survey states. In conclusion, women should have the same rights as men regarding employment so, parents avail all the duties and responsibilities of a family equally simultaneously the bonding between each of them would be much better along with less financial barriers in the future.
In the modern scenario, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is significant for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to lead a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free life irrespective of gender. Woman are doing full- time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in order to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the household chores should
be shared
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
too, this phenomenon could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
when women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
all the time, once she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and would like to elucidate my supporting points in the following paragraphs.

Women are conferring equal opportunities as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, which assist them to grab the right employment based on their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
qualifications and
they become supportive of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The breadwinner has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
financial assistance if he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
her to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
also
co-operates to do household chores together. They can enhance the standard of living and
also
confer quality education and other better amenities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for better growing.
For instance
, a recent survey states that 75% more likely to engage multifarious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have
been performed
by female employees in India, which was a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
attributed to the previous years.

However
, a male can
also
learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cuisines even any emergencies occurs in the absences of his wife. He can cater to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in finishing their homework, which
was done
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by the wife
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Consequently
, the rapport between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their father become strong and the chances of sending the elderly to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age home can
be curtailed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
Furthermore
, a woman can enlarge their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by the way of interacting with others at the office, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to progress their professional career and
also
feel satisfied that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the responsibilities of the head of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. To cite an example, the economic development of the country is getting refined owing to increase the woman empowerment, an economic survey states.

In conclusion
, women should have the same rights as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
regarding employment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, parents avail all the duties and responsibilities of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
equally
simultaneously
the bonding between each of them would be much better along with less financial barriers in the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some students think that freshmen should live in their own dormitory building. Other students think that freshmen should share the same dormitory building with students who are from the second, third and forth grades. What is your opinion? Use specific de v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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