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Some students think that freshmen should live in their own dormitory building. Other students think that freshmen should share the same dormitory building with students who are from the second, third and forth grades. What is your opinion? Use specific de v.1

Some students think that freshmen should live in their own dormitory building. Other students think that freshmen should share the same dormitory building with students who are from the second, third and forth grades. What is your opinion? Use specific de v. 1
In the modern scenario, having a job is significant for a family to lead a stress-free life irrespective of gender. Woman are doing full- time jobs in many countries in order to support their family and the household chores should be shared by a man too, this phenomenon could not see before when women used to look after their children and family all the time, once she got married. I completely agree with the statement and would like to elucidate my supporting points in the following paragraphs. Women are conferring equal opportunities as men, which assist them to grab the right employment based on their qualifications and they become supportive of the family. The breadwinner has got financial assistance if he allows her to get into the job and also co-operates to do household chores together. They can enhance the standard of living and also confer quality education and other better amenities which make their children for better growing. For instance, a recent survey states that 75% more likely to engage multifarious jobs have been performed by female employees in India, which was a dramatic change attributed to the previous years. However, a male can also learn how to make cuisines even any emergencies occurs in the absences of his wife. He can cater to children and also take part in finishing their homework, which was done only by the wife before. Consequently, the rapport between children and their father become strong and the chances of sending the elderly to the old age home can be curtailed to some extent. Furthermore, a woman can enlarge their knowledge and skills by the way of interacting with others at the office, which would help to progress their professional career and also feel satisfied that they can take part in the responsibilities of the head of a family. To cite an example, the economic development of the country is getting refined owing to increase the woman empowerment, an economic survey states. In conclusion, women should have the same rights as men regarding employment so, parents avail all the duties and responsibilities of a family equally simultaneously the bonding between each of them would be much better along with less financial barriers in the future.
In the modern scenario, having a
job
is significant for a
family
to lead a
stress
-free life irrespective of gender. Woman are doing full- time
jobs
in
many
countries in order to support their
family
and the household chores should
be shared
by a
man
too, this phenomenon could not
see
before
when women
used
to look after their
children
and
family
all the time, once she
got
married. I completely
agree
with the statement and would like to elucidate my supporting points in the following paragraphs.

Women are conferring equal opportunities as
men
, which assist them to grab the right employment based on their
qualifications and
they become supportive of the
family
. The breadwinner has
got
financial assistance if he
allows
her to
get
into the
job
and
also
co-operates to do household chores together. They can enhance the standard of living and
also
confer quality education and other better amenities which
make
their
children
for better growing.
For instance
, a recent survey states that 75% more likely to engage multifarious
jobs
have
been performed
by female employees in India, which was a dramatic
change
attributed to the previous years.

However
, a male can
also
learn how to
make
cuisines even any emergencies occurs in the absences of his wife. He can cater to
children
and
also
take part
in finishing their homework, which
was done
only
by the wife
before
.
Consequently
, the rapport between
children
and their father become strong and the chances of sending the elderly to the
old
age home can
be curtailed
to
some
extent.
Furthermore
, a woman can enlarge their knowledge and
skills
by the way of interacting with others at the office, which would
help
to progress their professional career and
also
feel satisfied that they can
take part
in the responsibilities of the head of a
family
. To cite an example, the economic development of the country is getting refined owing to increase the woman empowerment, an economic survey states.

In conclusion
, women should have the same rights as
men
regarding employment
so
, parents avail all the duties and responsibilities of a
family
equally
simultaneously
the bonding between each of them would be much better along with less financial barriers in the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students think that freshmen should live in their own dormitory building. Other students think that freshmen should share the same dormitory building with students who are from the second, third and forth grades. What is your opinion? Use specific de v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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