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describe something you bought that you were not happy withyou should say: what you boughtwhy you were not happy with itwhat you did with itexplain how you felt about the situation v.1

describe something you bought that you were not happy withyou should say: what you boughtwhy you were not happy with itwhat you did with itexplain how you felt about the situation v. 1
In today's modern world, we are constantly bombarded with the issue of crime which has recently increased at an alarming rate on newspapers. Some people, therefore, are of the opinion that all kinds of crime should have its own punishment which is legislated by the government. However, there are a handful of people who assert that some background reasons, which cause the criminals to commit crimes, should be included in the procedure of deciding on the punishment. Hence, we will examine both sides the argument before reaching a reasonable conclusion. A fixed punishment for each type of crime is necessary due to several reasons. To begin, it allows every criminal to be treated fairly for every crime. It is important to ensure no one will be discriminated or get offended by the public. In addition, there will not be any unsatisfactory between the criminals who committed the same kind of crime when they are sentenced to the jail. Furthermore, a fixed punishment plays an indispensable role in giving a deterrent in turning the would-be offenders. To illustrate, a serious punishment will be incurred for those who commit crimes like murders will definitely deter and cause the would-be offenders to change their minds before committing a crime. On the other hand, it is vital to take into account about the reasons behind why the criminals commit crimes. First of all, many of them, especially the teenagers who are more vulnerable to those feelings of loneliness are more easily influenced by their peers. They do not have a mature thinking and are not being aware of the possible negative impacts of committing crimes. According to a recent research conducted in Columbia, the statistic has shown that about 58% of the youngsters got affected by their badly behaved friends when got caught to involve in crimes. It is also believed by the public that many criminals have the lacking of parental love which eventually causes them to behave violently and aggressively. They commit crimes, including robberies and murders to show how powerful they are. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that every jury should make their decisions on punishments by considering the reasons why they commit crimes. Our nation will surely continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to come once the crime rates are successfully reduced.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern world, we are
constantly
bombarded with the issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
which has recently increased at an alarming rate on newspapers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
therefore
, are of the opinion that all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
which
is legislated
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
However
, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "handfuls", "handsful"?
handful
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
assert that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
background
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, which cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, should
be included
in the procedure of deciding on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
Hence
, we will examine both sides the argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a reasonable conclusion.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for each type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is necessary due to several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
to
be treated
fairly
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to ensure no one will
be discriminated
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
offended by the public.
In addition
, there will not be any unsatisfactory between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
committed the same kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
when they
are sentenced
to the jail.
Furthermore
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
plays an indispensable role in giving a deterrent in turning the would-be offenders. To illustrate, a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
will
be incurred
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like murders will definitely deter and cause the would-be offenders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their minds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing a crime.

On the other hand
, it is vital to take into account about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them,
especially
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are more vulnerable to those feelings of loneliness are more
easily
influenced by their peers. They do not have a mature thinking and are not being aware of the possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. According to a recent research conducted in Columbia, the statistic has shown that about 58% of the youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their
badly
behaved friends when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
caught to involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. It is
also
believed by the public that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
have the lacking of parental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
which
eventually
causes them to behave
violently
and
aggressively
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, including robberies and murders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how powerful they are.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that every jury should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their decisions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
by considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Our nation will
surely
continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates are
successfully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay describe something you bought that you were not happy withyou should say: what you boughtwhy you were not happy with itwhat you did with itexplain how you felt about the situation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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