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describe something old that you or your family own and that you feel is important. you should say: what the item is and what it looks like v.1

describe something old that you or your family own and that you feel is important. you should say: what the item is and what it looks like v. 1
It is true that in recent years, many urban dwellers have tended to live on their own or in nuclear families. In my opinion, this trend has both positive and negative consequences in equal measure. On the one hand, the rise in smaller households is a positive trend primarily for economic reasons. The migration of people from rural to urban areas has resulted in an enormous increase in demand for housing. The housing stock has been inadequate to cope with this demand, and so property developers have taken advantage of this population shift to raise house prices and rents. They have built apartment blocks which provide accommodation for only single people or small families. If they do not wish to endure squalid housing conditions, therefore, it is clearly necessary for people to live alone or in small, usually family, groups. On the other hand, there are negative aspects of this trend. With the mass exodus of people to cities, ties of kinship are broken as the extended family which lived together in the countryside is broken up. Socially, family gatherings take place only rarely and, financially, living costs can no longer be shared between many family members living under the same roof. For example, grandparents or other relatives used to help with household expenses, child-minding and cooking. Individuals rarely felt lonely or isolated, experiencing a sense of alienation as they sometimes do in cities, without such family support. In conclusion, I believe that this trend has equally significant positive and negative aspects for both social and financial reasons.
It is true that in recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
urban dwellers have tended to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
or in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In my opinion, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences in equal measure.

On the one hand, the rise in smaller households is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
primarily
for economic reasons. The migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from rural to urban areas has resulted in an enormous increase in demand for housing. The housing stock has been inadequate to cope with this demand, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
property developers have taken advantage of this population shift to raise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
prices and rents. They have built apartment blocks which provide accommodation for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. If they do not wish to endure squalid housing conditions,
therefore
, it is
clearly
necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
,
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, groups.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
. With the mass exodus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to cities, ties of kinship
are broken
as the extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
together in the countryside
is broken
up.
Socially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
gatherings take place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rarely and,
financially
, living costs can no longer
be shared
between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members living under the same roof.
For example
, grandparents or other relatives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with household expenses, child-minding and cooking. Individuals rarely felt lonely or isolated, experiencing a sense of alienation as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
do in cities, without such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support.

In conclusion
, I believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
has
equally
significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects for both social and financial reasons.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay describe something old that you or your family own and that you feel is important. you should say: what the item is and what it looks like v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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