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Describe someone who has started a business. You should sayWho the person is. What work this person does. Why this person decided to start a business. v.1

Describe someone who has started a business. You should sayWho the person is. What work this person does. Why this person decided to start a business. v. 1
A group of people believes that it is good to adjust to all problems like not fulfilled jobs and low finance. Other party thinks that people need to put effort into developing a lifestyle. To form a judicious opinion a discussion is essential, where I stand with the second group. On the one hand, the person needs to accept and to all issues inactivity is to reduce the happiness of the individual due to stress. To explain, people not involved to develop their lifestyle and maintaining the same situation from starting leads to a major crisis and affect the new generation growth in society. For example, in a family parent always constant in growth as they are afraid to take a risk as a result, children get average benefits like low education and basic needs. Thus, it is clearly steady living-pattern results in less growth in-home members. On the other hand, try to improve family welfare and reduce issues to promote comfort. To elaborate, good work with a nice salary provide a guaranty and reduces stress. Financial issues create critical the situation due to hopelessness. For instance, a person meets an emergency, first, he or she thinks about money because they need to clear catastrophe. To live a pleasant family improvement is essential for the individual as well as society. Thus, it is evident promotion is necessary for all sole. To conclude, I think fixed jobs and poor financial status has negative impacts, while, changes with modification in the soul has benefits. Due to this reason, I support the second group.
A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to adjust to all problems like not fulfilled jobs and low finance. Other party
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to put effort into developing a lifestyle. To form a judicious opinion a discussion is essential, where I stand with the second group.

On the one hand, the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to accept and to all issues inactivity is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the happiness of the individual due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not involved to develop their lifestyle and maintaining the same situation from starting leads to a major crisis and affect the new generation growth in society.
For example
, in a family parent always constant in growth as they are afraid to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
as a result
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
average benefits like low education and basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
Thus
, it is
clearly
steady living-pattern results in less growth in-home members.

On the other hand
, try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
family welfare and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
issues to promote comfort. To elaborate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work with a nice salary provide a guaranty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Financial issues create critical the situation due to hopelessness.
For instance
, a person meets an emergency,
first
, he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
about money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
catastrophe. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a pleasant family improvement is essential for the individual
as well
as society.
Thus
, it is evident promotion is necessary for all sole.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
jobs and poor financial status has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts, while,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
with modification in the soul has benefits. Due to this reason, I support the second group.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe someone who has started a business. You should sayWho the person is. What work this person does. Why this person decided to start a business. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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