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Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. v. 1
The technology used to store, retrieve and transmit data or information using computer systems and networks is called Information Technology. The information technology is not only makes our work quick and easy, but also save much time. Therefore, I strongly agree that the benefits of information technology are more significant than its drawbacks. (54) We had seen in the past that people always move from one place to another in order to exchange information or data. There was no concept of transferring data online until the invention of computer and internet. Thus, information handling was a big problem for people in the past. (49) Presently, the information technology is revolutionizing the entire world around us. It is not only changing our lives from home to workplace, but also providing us better opportunities during leisure time. For example, a pocket size cell phone always keeps you in touch with your family and friends. Similarly, the information we received through electronic media is actually possible due to the blessing of information technology. Although, the use of cell phone in excess or watching television for long time is dangerous to our health, however, its advantages are far greater than its disadvantages. (95) The recent development in information technology has transformed the whole world into a global village in which everyone is able to send and receive information from far end. It has also enabled us to collect information even from other planets. Hence, if the doors of information technology keep on opening, then we shall soon be able to step into a digital world. (61) Thus, information technology is altering every aspect of our life and the benefits of this development are undeniable. (18)
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to store, retrieve and transmit data or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
using computer systems and networks
is called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our work quick and easy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
save much time.
Therefore
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are more significant than its drawbacks. (54)

We had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the past that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one place to another in order to exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
or data. There was no concept of transferring data online until the invention of computer and internet.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
handling was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the past. (49)

Presently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is revolutionizing the entire world around us. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
changing our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
from home to workplace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
providing us better opportunities during leisure time.
For example
, a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
pocket size
cell phone always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you in touch with your family and friends.
Similarly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
we received through electronic media is actually possible due to the blessing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Although, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cell phone in excess or watching television for long time is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to our health,
however
, its advantages are far greater than its disadvantages. (95)

The recent development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has transformed the whole world into a global village in which everyone is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
and receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from far
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. It has
also
enabled us to collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
even from other planets.
Hence
, if the doors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on opening, then we shall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
be able to step into a digital world. (61)

Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is altering every aspect of our life and the benefits of this development are undeniable. (18)
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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