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Describe one of your challenging experiences. Explain why it is challengingand how you conquered this challenge. Please include specific examplesand details in your explanation. v.1

Describe one of your challenging experiences. Explain why it is challengingand how you conquered this challenge. Please include specific examplesand details in your explanation. v. 1
The development of many shopping centres and malls designed to attract the young enabling them to spend time there, even more time, has come up for a number of reasons. Personally, I believe the two main reasons for this are improving competitiveness and being more lucrative, and also this should be a negative change. Firstly, the owners of shopping malls design their shopping malls to attract young people in order to not only maintain but also improve competitiveness. Since doing online shopping anytime and anywhere with an Internet connection is much convenient than shopping in a brick-and-mortar shopping centre, in other words, online shops put shopping malls at a disadvantage. Secondly, the shopping centre holders design their shopping centres to appeal to the younger generation to spend time there so that the shopping centres may be more profitable. Because the more time young people spend there, the more likely they are to spend money. Therefore, enhancing competitiveness and being more profitable are the two main reasons for doing so. Moreover, as the development of many shopping centres targeting the young means the development of few shopping malls intended for middle-aged people or the elderly. With these developments, shopping centres will attract more young consumers and lose other consumers such as older people at the same time. It is crystal clear that these developments are not positive for people of all ages. Thus, I am of the opinion that many shopping malls designed for young customers should be a bad development. To sum up, there are two major reasons for the fact that many shopping malls are designed to be attractive to younger people to spend time there, including enhancing competitiveness and making more profits. Also, this development, in my opinion, is negative in that it is not beneficial to people of different ages.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
designed to attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
enabling them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
there, even more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up for a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
Personally
, I believe the two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this are improving competitiveness and being more lucrative, and
also
this should be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

Firstly
, the owners of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
design their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
maintain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
competitiveness. Since doing online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
anytime and anywhere with an Internet connection is much
Use "(convenient)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
convenient
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in a brick-and-mortar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
,
in other words
, online shops put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
at a disadvantage.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
holders design their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to appeal to the younger generation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
may be more profitable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
there, the more likely they are to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
money.
Therefore
, enhancing competitiveness and being more profitable are the two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Moreover
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
targeting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
intended for middle-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or the elderly. With these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
will attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
consumers and lose other consumers such as older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages.
Thus
, I am of the opinion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
designed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
customers should be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
development.

To sum up, there are two major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are designed
to be attractive to younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
there, including enhancing competitiveness and making more profits.
Also
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, in my opinion, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
in that it is not beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Describe one of your challenging experiences. Explain why it is challengingand how you conquered this challenge. Please include specific examplesand details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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