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Describe one of the most important inventions in recent 100 years. Explainwhy it is so important. Your explanation should include specific examplesand details. v.1

Describe one of the most important inventions in recent 100 years. Explainwhy it is so important. Your explanation should include specific examplesand details. v. 1
These days, consumerism is a topic of debate. Whether the necessity of an object is overshadowed by the power of its advertisement or not Is often argued. While it is undeniable people are driven to consumption by need, I wholeheartedly believe people buy goods based on how popular they are in their community. On the one hand, many put forth the argument that some goods are absolute necessities. Whether or not some produts are advertised they will still be bought because they are needed day to day. An example of this is a bed, everyone needs one to sleep in at night, therefore it will always have a market demand. On the contrary, 2014 market rates of a famous well advertised beds like ‘Comfy’ showed that it has a higher market dominancy than normal store brought mattress'. Consequently, regardless of necessity, high exposure products have higher ratings. It is also argued that some people don’t even have the luxury of indulging in expensive products because they simply cannot afford it. Therefore, the advertisement is reaching them, but not affecting them. On the other hand, I believe the majority of purchases these days are made solely on their advertisement potential. Individuals tend to follow famous people showing off products. For example, in the makeup industry, Kylie Jenner -a famous reality TV star- launched a makeup line in 2019. Which succeeded due to its popularity amongst teenagers who access her advertisements through her Instagram online page. In addition to this, it is natural human nature to want to fit in and feel equal to everyone else. This is often done through purchasing popular brands that are promoted under a better light. A great example of this is apple! Although they sell their phones for triple the price of any phone on the market, people still buy them purely due to their good promotion potentiol. In conclusion, I re-affirm my belief that people are society-driven, and make their purchases based on how well they are publicized as opposed to how much they need them. In the future, I hope people are less influenced by show and driven by necessity.
These days, consumerism is a topic of debate. Whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessity
of an object
is overshadowed
by the power of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
or not Is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued. While it is undeniable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are driven
to consumption by need, I
wholeheartedly
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
based on how popular they are in their community.

On the one hand,
Possible agreement error. The noun put seems to be countable; consider using: "many puts".
many put
forth the argument that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are absolute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessities
.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
produts
are advertised
they will
still
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are needed
day to day. An example of this is a bed, everyone needs one to sleep in at night,
therefore
it will always have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
demand.
On the contrary
, 2014
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
rates of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
well advertised beds like ‘Comfy’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that it has a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
Possible spelling mistake found.
dominancy
than normal store brought mattress'.
Consequently
, regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessity
, high exposure products have higher ratings. It is
also
argued that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t even have the luxury of indulging in expensive products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
simply
cannot afford it.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is reaching them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not affecting them.

On the other hand
, I believe the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
these days
are made
solely
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
potential. Individuals tend to follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
showing off products.
For example
, in the makeup industry, Kylie Jenner -a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
reality TV star- launched a makeup line in 2019.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
succeeded due to its popularity amongst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who access her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
through her Instagram online page.
In addition
to this, it is natural human nature to want to fit in and feel equal to everyone else. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
done through purchasing popular brands that
are promoted
under a better light. A great example of this is apple! Although they sell their phones for triple the price of any phone on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them
purely
due to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
promotion
Possible spelling mistake found.
potentiol
.

In conclusion
, I re-affirm my belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are society-driven, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
based on how well they
are publicized
as opposed to how much they need them. In the future, I hope
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less influenced by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and driven by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessity
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe one of the most important inventions in recent 100 years. Explainwhy it is so important. Your explanation should include specific examplesand details. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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