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38. Describe one of your challenging experiences. Explain why it is challengingand how you conquered this challenge. Please include specific examplesand details in your explanation. v.1

38. Describe one of your challenging experiences. Explain why it is challengingand how you conquered this challenge. Please include specific examplesand details in your explanation. v. 1
In recent times, there is a marked increase in juvenile crimes. Some of them attribute this cause due to working mothers who find it hard to educate their kids, as women are employed and could not spend much time with their sons or daughters. I disagree with this notion, as it is worthless in putting the ball over to the entire working women's community. However, I have some reservations when I observe if working mothers are deviating from their child-rearing responsibilities. To begin with, there has been a substantial increase in women’s education and their subsequent employment especially in the last two decades. Thanks to the liberal policies of the government and the globalisation which led to benefit the economic pulse of each and every family. There is little space to question when women are also actively involved in spending for their child’s education, as the cost of education has been skyrocketing. Furthermore, everyone wants to admit their children in the cream of the cream institution. So they had to work hard bearing the child’s future in their mind. While employment swallows most of the working women’s schedules, they spend less time with their kids. Therefore, the kids become a pawn to the society by following the disgraceful habits as well as befriending bad accomplices in the absence of their mothers or any adult supervision which result them to become shoplifters or petty criminals. Having said that, on analysing the pattern of petty thieves it is transparent that not all of their mothers are employed. So this confirms the point that we cannot blame the working women's community as a whole because of stimulating such shameful habits on their kids. In addition to that, as per various child psychologists the environment plays a deciding factor in nurturing a child’s psyche. If a child is left alone, he/she would definitely get on to the road to befriend someone or use virtual friends online to overcome his/her loneliness. That sort of behaviour acts as a pre-cursor in following those dreadful activities. To recapitulate, it is an irony to blame the working women if their kids are deviating from their education path and proceeding towards elsewhere. The problem has to be shunted by constantly monitoring the child’s friends' circle as that adversely influences his behaviour and activity. If there is even a slight abnormality in the child’s attitude, he needs mental health advices. Be that as it may, a kid’s loneliness is the primary factor to get allured to these habits. Therefore, they need to be under someone’s guidance. Will that behove its purpose?
In recent times, there is a marked increase in juvenile crimes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them attribute this cause due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
mothers who find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are employed
and could not spend much time with their sons or daughters. I disagree with this notion, as it is worthless in putting the ball over to the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
women's community.
However
, I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reservations when I observe if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
mothers are deviating from their child-rearing responsibilities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there has been a substantial increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and their subsequent employment
especially
in the last two decades. Thanks to the liberal policies of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
which led to benefit the economic pulse of each and every family. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
space to question when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
also
actively
involved in spending for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, as the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has been skyrocketing.
Furthermore
, everyone wants to admit their children in the cream of the cream institution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they had to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
bearing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
future in their mind. While employment swallows most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
schedules, they spend less time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
become a pawn to the society by following the disgraceful habits
as well
as befriending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
accomplices in the absence of their mothers or any adult supervision which result them to become shoplifters or petty criminals.

Having said that, on
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the pattern of petty thieves it is transparent that not all of their mothers
are employed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this confirms the point that we cannot blame the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
women's community as a whole
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of stimulating such shameful habits on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
In addition
to that, as per various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
psychologists the environment plays a deciding factor in nurturing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
psyche. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone, he/she would definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on to the road to befriend someone or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
virtual friends online to overcome his/her loneliness. That sort of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
acts as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-cursor
in following those dreadful activities.

To recapitulate, it is an irony to blame the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are deviating from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
path and proceeding towards elsewhere. The problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be shunted
by
constantly
monitoring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
friends' circle as that
adversely
influences his
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and activity. If there is even a slight abnormality in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
attitude, he needs mental health advices. Be that as it may, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
loneliness is the primary factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
allured to these habits.
Therefore
, they need to be under someone’s guidance. Will that
Possible spelling mistake found.
behove
its purpose?
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 38. Describe one of your challenging experiences. Explain why it is challengingand how you conquered this challenge. Please include specific examplesand details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
431 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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