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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours Use specific reasons and examples to support v.2

It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours Use specific reasons and examples to support v. 2
Life has many beautiful and enjoyable things to do and to relish in addition to work. Some workers prefer to have a part-time job for only three days per week, others need to work five days a week. However, unfortunately, it is not optional for many people. For me, I choose to work only three days per week for long hours a day rather than working the whole week for shorter hours and in this essay I will discuss my reasons for that support. First of all, the part-time job enhanced the relations with my family members. It allowed me to spend much time with my family, friends and my kids as well. I only work three days a week for 10 hours per day, this helps me to enjoy the other four days doing activities with my kids and visiting my parents as well as getting out with my husband to a movie theatre or a restaurant. On the other hand, the people who work five days have only two days in the weekend to do all the activities they love. I' m sure that their relation with their family is not going well. Secondly, we have to take care of our health as it is the most precious thing we have. If we go to work every day, we will be always exhausted and tired. When we have much free time, we can do exercises, go to the park for a walk in the morning or even just sit on the couch doing nothing. All these activities will relieve the stress that has occupied us due to the work. From my personal experience, during the holidays, I wake up at 9 a. m and eat my breakfast slowly, savoring each bite of it then I go for a walk and to do some exercises. I find the time to talk with my husband and play with my kids. My inner peace has increased and that was reflected on my health as well. Lastly, in my free time, I' m able to take courses or read books related to my career to potentiate it and elevate my level of knowledge. Since I have started my part-time job, I could finish three courses in my field which for sure had a positive effect on my performance at work. In the summary, life is short and we need to make the best use of every minute we have in doing things we love and spending the most part of it with our beloved ones. This will improve our health and indirectly, enhance our career as well.
Life has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and enjoyable things to do and to relish
in addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
workers prefer to have a part-time job for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
three days per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, others need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
five days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
However
, unfortunately, it is not optional for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. For me, I choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
three days per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for long hours a day
rather
than working the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for shorter hours and in this essay I will discuss my reasons for that support.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the part-time job enhanced the relations with my family members. It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
me to spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with my family, friends and my kids
as well
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for 10 hours per day, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me to enjoy the other four days doing activities with my kids and visiting my parents
as well
as getting out with my husband to a movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
or a restaurant.
On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
five days have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
two days in the weekend to do all the activities they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; m sure that their relation with their family is not going well.

Secondly
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of our health as it is the most precious thing we have. If we go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
every day, we
The adverb 'always' is usually put between 'will' and 'be'.
will be always
exhausted and tired. When we have much free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, we can do exercises, go to the park for a walk in the morning or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit on the couch doing nothing. All these activities will relieve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that has occupied us due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. From my personal experience, during the holidays, I wake up at 9 a. m and eat my breakfast
slowly
, savoring each bite of it then I go for a walk and to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises. I find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to talk with my husband and play with my kids. My inner peace has increased and that
was reflected
on my health
as well
.

Lastly
, in my free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; m able to take courses or read books related to my career to potentiate it and elevate my level of knowledge. Since I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
my part-time job, I could finish three courses in my field which for sure had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on my performance at work.

In the summary, life is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
short and
we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of every minute we have in doing things we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and spending the most part of it with our beloved ones. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our health and
indirectly
, enhance our career
as well
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours Use specific reasons and examples to support v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
435 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Do you agree or disagree with the following statement It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours Use specific reasons and examples to support v.2