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Describe an object which is very important to you and explain why it is of special value to you. Please include specific details in your explanation v.1

Describe an object which is very important to you and explain why it is of special value to you. Please include specific details in your explanation v. 1
It is increasingly common for families to send their elderly relatives to live in nursing homes, rather than take care of them at home. This essay will highlight some of the benefits and drawbacks that have resulted from this switch. Looking firstly at the positives, a significant advantage is that care homes are often much better equipped to deal with the needs of elderly people than family homes. For instance, nursing homes do not usually have stairs, and for those which do, stair lifts or elevators need to be installed. This means that the typical mobility problems which tend to appear among geriatrics are not exacerbated. Not only this, but the staff who work in nursing homes have been professionally trained to manage the demands of the elderly. It is rare for family members possess these skills. However, care homes for the elderly also present some disadvantages, the most obvious of which is the lack of loved ones around. Although it is possible for friends and relatives to visit nursing home residents, these visits can be infrequent, and loneliness is often the consequence. To make matters worse, it has been shown that those who are lonely are at greater risk of becoming depressed and having their immune system weakens. Furthermore, care home residents are often surrounded by illness and death. Such an environment is likely to curtail happiness and trigger severe depression. In conclusion, despite the benefits of specially-trained staff and well-equipped facilities the nursing homes can offer the elderly, the drawbacks of loneliness and its concomitant depression should also be taken into consideration.
It is
increasingly
common for families to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
relatives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
,
rather
than take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them at home. This essay will highlight
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
benefits and drawbacks that have resulted from this switch.

Looking
firstly
at the positives, a significant advantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
much better equipped to deal with the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
than family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
For instance
, nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
do not
usually
have stairs, and for those which do, stair lifts or elevators need to
be installed
. This means that the typical mobility problems which tend to appear among geriatrics are not exacerbated. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the staff who work in nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
have been
professionally
trained to manage the demands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
. It is rare for family members possess these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
also
present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, the most obvious of which is the lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones around. Although it is possible for friends and relatives to visit nursing home residents, these visits can be infrequent, and loneliness is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the consequence. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
matters worse, it has
been shown
that those who are lonely are at greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of becoming depressed and having their immune system weakens.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
home residents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
surrounded by illness and death. Such an environment is likely to curtail happiness and trigger severe depression.

In conclusion
, despite the benefits of
specially
-trained staff and well-equipped facilities the nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
can offer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
, the drawbacks of loneliness and its concomitant depression should
also
be taken
into consideration.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Describe an object which is very important to you and explain why it is of special value to you. Please include specific details in your explanation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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