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Describe an object that is very special in your life. explain why this object is important to you. v.1

Describe an object that is very special in your life. explain why this object is important to you. v. 1
In this age of competition, everyone strives to be better than others in some or in all aspects. This competitive nature has made people become unsatisfied, as there is also someone or something better than their current self or holdings. This constant hunger of wanting more has both positive as well as a negative side. The positive implication of it is that individuals become more hard working and work towards achieving their goals, while others who do not compliment their unsatisfactory nature with much needed perseverance, tend to resort to violence to get what they want. This essay would discuss both the aspects in detail. One hand, the people who channel this urge of being unsatisfied are known to have an ambitious personality. Such individuals work hard and selflessly devote themselves towards attaining their goals. As a result, such ambitious individuals are able to challenge their own abilities and become much better versions of themselves. For example, one of my school friends, who was never satisfied with his grades, always aimed to achieve the perfect score. This perseverance of his, ultimately helped him become a renowned scientist in the world. Hence, when a person's greed and unsatisfactory nature is properly channeled with his dedication, it would greatly benefit him. However, this nature also has a negative side of its own. Some people who are not able to compliment their greed with the much needed hard work, for them it takes a violent form. These people resort to theft, robbery and other sorts of crime in order to get their desired thing. This is mainly because, such people lack the proper guidance or are sometimes mistreated by the society and hence consider themselves as the victims of inequality. For example, many of the culprits accused of thefts are poor, illiterate people, who in their pursuit of becoming rich overnight have turned towards crime. In conclusion, this human nature, of never being satisfied and always wanting more, is what pushes people to be a much better version of themselves and is the most positive thing about this nature. However, unlike the other side of a coin, this nature proves harmful when the person resorts to unlawful measures to satisfy his urge.
In this age of competition, everyone strives to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than others in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
or in all aspects. This competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
unsatisfied, as there is
also
someone or something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
self or holdings. This constant hunger of wanting more has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
implication of it is that individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
and work towards achieving their goals, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not compliment their unsatisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
with
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
perseverance, tend to resort to violence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want. This essay would discuss both the aspects in detail.

One hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
channel this urge of
being unsatisfied
are known
to have an ambitious personality. Such individuals work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
selflessly
devote themselves towards attaining their goals.
As a result
, such ambitious individuals are able to challenge their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
abilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
versions of themselves.
For example
, one of my school friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was never satisfied with his grades, always aimed to achieve the perfect score. This perseverance of his,
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a renowned scientist in the world.
Hence
, when a person's greed and unsatisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
is
properly
channeled with his dedication, it would
greatly
benefit him.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
also
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not able to compliment their greed with the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, for them it takes a violent form. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
resort to theft, robbery and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sorts of crime in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their desired thing. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lack the proper guidance or are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
mistreated by the society and
hence
consider themselves as the victims of inequality.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the culprits accused of thefts are poor, illiterate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
in their pursuit of becoming rich overnight have turned towards crime.

In conclusion
, this human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
, of never
being satisfied
and always wanting more, is what pushes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
version of themselves and is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
.
However
, unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of a coin, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
proves harmful when the person resorts to unlawful measures to satisfy his urge.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe an object that is very special in your life. explain why this object is important to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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