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What advice would you give a friend who is having difficulty at work? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and examples. v.1

What advice would you give a friend who is having difficulty at work? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and examples. v. 1
In this modern era, people are totally dependent on computers, whether it be at school or in any sort of educational field. It is seen as a very positive step in studies by some people, others, however, think it can lead to unwanted results. This essay will discuss both sides and reflect on computer usage importance. Computers are becoming a basic necessity of our lives, but some believe it has a lot more negative impact on children’s lives than benefits. The reasons usually they give are as follows: students focus more on video games rather than their studies and may become friends with strangers through social media which in itself could be a dangerous thing. Moreover, parents cannot keep an eye on their kids 24 hours a day and thus, it becomes easier for kids to navigate to group chats or involve in games which makes them happy. This as a result not only wastes their time, but put them in danger if someone tries to misguide them to steal or do wrong acts. As a solution, electronic devices access should be limited to the times when parents are supervising them to avoid the unwanted circumstances or distraction from studies. On the other hand, those who believe that the internet and electronic devices, being a good source of learning, are improving education in many ways. To illustrate, people didn’t have these devices before and kids were missing on a lot of inventions and creativity in their schools, but now they can come up with excellent projects with one click. Not only this, but students can get certificates and degrees through distant learning programs along with their day jobs. Therefore, I strongly believe that computers are the future of education and they can’t be separated from each other. To conclude, computers can’t be taken away from students when it comes to education as it helps them learn and apply what they learn from it in their studies. Thus, parents and schools should allow its use and supervise kids when doubted.
In this modern era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
totally
dependent on computers, whether it be at school or in any sort of educational field. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
step in studies by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, others,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it can lead to unwanted results. This essay will discuss both sides and reflect on computer usage importance.

Computers are becoming a basic necessity of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe it has a lot more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than benefits. The reasons
usually
they give are as follows: students focus more on video games
rather
than their studies and may become friends with strangers through social media which in itself could be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
thing.
Moreover
, parents cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
24 hours a day and
thus
, it becomes easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to navigate to group chats or involve in games which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy. This
as a result
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wastes their time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
put them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
if someone tries to misguide them to steal or do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
acts. As a solution, electronic devices access should
be limited
to the times when parents are supervising them to avoid the unwanted circumstances or distraction from studies.

On the other hand
, those who believe that the internet and electronic devices, being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of learning, are improving education in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. To illustrate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
didn’t have these devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
were missing on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
inventions and creativity in their schools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with excellent projects with one click. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
certificates and degrees through distant learning programs along with their day jobs.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe that computers are the future of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
they can’t
be separated
from each other.

To conclude
, computers can’t
be taken
away from students when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to education as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them learn and apply what they learn from it in their studies.
Thus
, parents and schools should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and supervise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
when doubted.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay What advice would you give a friend who is having difficulty at work? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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