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using points and examples from the lecture, explain how the communication between babies and mothers is musical in nature. v.1

using points and examples from the lecture, explain how the communication between babies and mothers is musical in nature. v. 1
It is sometimes argued that children spend much of time in front of TV and watching TV is one of the most favourite hobbies of teenagers nowadays. While I agree with watching TV cannot be a substitute for the book, I do believe that educational program on TV can help teenagers to improve their level of general instruction. There are several reasons why I would argue that TV program cannot be replaced the book. Firstly, books contain useful academic information. Hence, although Tv act as a source of entertainment for numerous offspring and juveniles, children cannot focus on chapters and stories. For instance, a child, who aims to become a doctor, can never access the knowledge for medical entrance exam through watching TV programs. Secondly, books are silent learning tools that aid to increase children’s reading power, enabling them to concentrate on a specific subject. For example, a survey at the Oxford university, which is one of the top educational institutes, revealed that 78% of the kids claimed that they can gain informative knowledge from books rather than TV as books are a peaceful mode of study. Finally, watching TV can negative effect on their eyesight because blue light emits electronic devices is so harmful. On the other hand, educational programs can create a sense of enthusiasm at adolescents to study scientific material from books. For example, producers make documentaries about external world culture which can make children interesting to learn more about different cultures and interact with other people whose live another part of the world. To sum up, as we mentioned above, watching a scientific or informative program on TV can improve children’s knowledge. However, it is not a viable alternative for books at all.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend much of time in front of TV and watching TV is one of the most
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
hobbies of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
nowadays. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with watching TV cannot be a substitute for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
, I do believe that educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
on TV can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their level of general instruction.

There are several reasons why I would argue that TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
cannot
be replaced
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
contain useful academic information.
Hence
, although
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
act as a source of entertainment for numerous offspring and juveniles,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot focus on chapters and stories.
For instance
, a child, who aims to become a doctor, can never access the knowledge for medical entrance exam through watching TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are silent learning tools that aid to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
reading power, enabling them to concentrate on a specific subject.
For example
, a survey at the Oxford university, which is one of the top educational institutes, revealed that 78% of the kids claimed that they can gain informative knowledge from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
rather
than TV as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are a peaceful mode of study.
Finally
, watching TV can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their eyesight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
blue light emits electronic devices is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
harmful.

On the other hand
, educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
can create a sense of enthusiasm at adolescents to study scientific material from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
For example
, producers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
documentaries about external world culture which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
interesting to learn more about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and interact with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
another part of the world.

To sum up, as we mentioned above, watching a scientific or informative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
on TV can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
knowledge.
However
, it is not a viable alternative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
at all.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay using points and examples from the lecture, explain how the communication between babies and mothers is musical in nature. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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