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Describe an intresting place that you have visited as a tourist. You should sayWhere this place isWhy you went there what you did thereAnd explain why you thought this place was so interesting v.1

Describe an intresting place that you have visited as a tourist. You should sayWhere this place isWhy you went there what you did thereAnd explain why you thought this place was so interesting v. 1
The United Kingdom is witnessing that, the senior most members of the family leave their houses to stay in the old age homes, where they have all the medical services available 24*7. While some argue that, the cost of these old age homes should be paid by the family of the people staying there, this essay argues that the Government should bear the costs as they need aid at this stage of life and some might not have families. These old people paid the taxes to the Government when they were young and they need social security at this age. In other words, whenever an individual is young and earning they pay taxes to the Council and whatever funds the councils own are accumulated through the tax paid by these taxpayers, it might be possible that, their family might not be in good financial condition and could not afford for their medical expenses. For example, A business man who paid huge taxes to the Government and incurred huge loss in business during the last few years and lost everything should be supported by the council. Moreover, Some people do not have any other living family member. That is to say, either they are single throughout their life or they lost all their family members in an accident in such cases there is no one they can depend on and nobody can pay for their expenses. For instance, one of my neighbours is 75 years old today, he could not earn on its own and he never got married and do not have any of his other siblings living. Therefore, if the Government provides this kind of facilities it could be a saviour for such people. To conclude, the Britain Government should contribute to the old age homes as these senior citizens once contributed to the country and deserve to be treated well today and also there might be no one else to take care of them.
The United Kingdom is witnessing that, the senior most members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to stay in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
homes, where they have all the medical services available
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24*7.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that, the cost of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
homes should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
staying there, this essay argues that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should bear the costs as they need aid at this stage of life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not have families.

These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
when they were
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
young and
they need social security at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
In other words
, whenever an individual is young and earning they pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to the Council and whatever funds the councils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
are accumulated
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
by these taxpayers, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be possible that, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
financial condition and could not afford for their medical expenses.
For example
, A business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
and incurred huge loss in business during the last few years and lost everything should
be supported
by the council.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have any other living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member.
That is
to say, either they are single throughout their life or they lost all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members in an accident in such cases there is no one they can depend on and nobody can pay for their expenses.
For instance
, one of my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
is 75 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, he could not earn on its
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
own and
he never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married and do not have any of his other siblings living.
Therefore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
provides this kind of facilities it could be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
saviour
for such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, the Britain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
homes as these senior citizens once contributed to the country and deserve to
be treated
well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and
also
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be no one else to take care of them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe an intresting place that you have visited as a tourist. You should sayWhere this place isWhy you went there what you did thereAnd explain why you thought this place was so interesting v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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