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You borrowed some books from your school or college library. Unfortunately you have to go away to visit a sick relative and cannot return the books in time. Write a letter to the library. Explain what has happened and tell them what you want to do about it v.1

You borrowed some books from your school or college library. Unfortunately you have to go away to visit a sick relative and cannot return the books in time. Write a letter to the library. Explain what has happened and tell them what you want to do about it v. 1
Retired people, especially in United kingdom spend their life, Mostly in the retirement home. This has created a huge debate whether the public fund has to be spent on looking after them. In this essay, I would explain it in brief about my thoughts on who has to pay for taking care of adult people in following paragraph. First of all, anyone who has crossed their 60's are unfit to take responsibility for themselves. It is advisable to take support of someone or nurse at adulthood stage, It is a very painful time of one's life. Moreover, Aged people are considered to be equally vulnerable as children, They need separate supervision throughout the day. Secondly, Since Senior people have spent their entire life for the nation's progress by contributing to countries development over half a century, They have to be treated well by providing better health checkup by specialized nurses on the public fund. For example: To my knowledge; In Canada, Old People are taken into a retirement home and given very good treatment. Even though, I agree upon utilising the public money of our elderly people, I would suggest the country to have a separate deduction on the payroll for benefits which will be utilised at old age. Furthermore, This deduction should be applied to their children's salary if their parents are alive and sent to a retirement home. At last, Don't blame the government for not taking care of their own citizen, Just think over, don't we care for our own family? To summarise, I have explained why the nation has the responsibility for maintaining well being of its Senior citizens and also its the role of the children or the family to equally pay their part to keep them under good supervision or in Homage.
Retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
in
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
United kingdom
spend their life,
Mostly
in the retirement home. This has created a huge debate whether the public fund
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be spent
on looking after them. In this essay, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
in brief
about my thoughts on who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay for taking care of adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in following paragraph.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, anyone who has crossed their
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "60s".
60's
are unfit to take responsibility for themselves. It is advisable to take support of someone or nurse at adulthood stage, It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
painful time of one's life.
Moreover
, Aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considered
to be
equally
vulnerable as children, They need separate supervision throughout the day.
Secondly
, Since Senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have spent their entire life for the nation's progress by contributing to countries development over half a century, They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be treated
well by providing better health checkup by specialized nurses on the public fund.
For example
: To my knowledge; In Canada,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are taken
into a retirement home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
treatment.

Even though
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
upon
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
the public money of our elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I would suggest the country to have a separate deduction on the payroll for benefits which will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
Furthermore
, This deduction should
be applied
to their children's salary if their parents are alive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to a retirement home. At last, Don't blame the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for not taking care of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
over, don't we care for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family?

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
why the nation has the responsibility for maintaining
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of its Senior citizens and
also
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
the role of the children or the family to
equally
pay their part to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
supervision or in Homage.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay You borrowed some books from your school or college library. Unfortunately you have to go away to visit a sick relative and cannot return the books in time. Write a letter to the library. Explain what has happened and tell them what you want to do about it v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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