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Describe an important time in your life. Talk about why this time was important and how it has affected you. v.1

Describe an important time in your life. Talk about why this time was important and how it has affected you. v. 1
In recent decades, many researchers have studied the importance of internet and television has a noticeable influence on fame. Indeed, to my mind, there is now convincing evidence that ordinary people have an opportunity to be a famous in the media. In this essay, I shall examine how research in reaching millions of people easily and influence of social media supports this view. To begin with, TV and web technologies enable individuals to reach public easily. This is because every member of the community has a device to watch broadcastings. For example, a recent Cambridge study showed that %85 of celebrity on media, obtain their fame via internet and TV channels to increase their recognition on the public. Therefore, it is a clear the case that nowadays it is a must to utilize a means of broadcasting technologies for showing regular individuals’ talents to be famous. Secondly, Social media helps people to demonstrate their skills to the community. This is because there is not a restriction to form an internet-based broadcasting channel to attract the public to follow their stream unlike the television channels. For instance, a study by Oxford found that %76 of famous people who had an ordinary life at their past initiated successfully their own career by their personal social media account streaming. Thus, it is certainly the case that social media make people become famous desired celebrity without any restriction like TV channel regulations. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the notion that both internet and television have given ruck an shot to be a celebrity. In the future, we will obviously see that many TV channels will be reformed into internet based broadcasting systems to get rid of channel regulations from past decades
In recent decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers have studied the importance of internet and television has a noticeable influence on fame.
Indeed
, to my mind, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
convincing evidence that ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an opportunity to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. In this essay, I shall examine how research in reaching millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
and influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
supports this view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, TV and web technologies enable individuals to reach public
easily
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every member of the community has a device to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
broadcastings
.
For example
, a recent Cambridge study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that %85 of celebrity on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, obtain their fame via internet and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
to increase their recognition on the public.
Therefore
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the case that nowadays it is a
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
utilize a means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broadcasting
technologies for showing regular individuals’ talents to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to demonstrate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to the community. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is not a restriction to form an internet-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broadcasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
to attract the public to follow their stream unlike the television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
.
For instance
, a study by Oxford found that %76 of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had an ordinary life at their past initiated
successfully
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career by their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
account streaming.
Thus
, it is
certainly
the case that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
desired celebrity without any restriction like TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
regulations.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that both internet and television have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
ruck
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
shot to be a celebrity. In the future, we will
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
will
be reformed
into internet based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broadcasting
systems to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
regulations from past
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
decades
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe an important time in your life. Talk about why this time was important and how it has affected you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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