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Describe a wonderful experience that you shared with a family member, friend, or group. Choose one and explain why the experience was important or what you learned. v.1

Describe a wonderful experience that you shared with a family member, friend, or group. Choose one and explain why the experience was important or what you learned. v. 1
In today’s world, the using of the national budget is a heated topic which is collecting many different opinions. Some people argue that the government should invest in the art while others think health and education are more important. In my perspective, health and training are a general demand of the majority of residents. To commence with, Arts is an important part of both nation and individual. To demonstrate, the art products such as pictures, photos or a song is a particular way to show a beautiful soul of a person, some of them also have the characters of the authors. Besides that, the piece of art is a place people send their emotions or record the special moments in their life. On the other hand, many nations receive a lot of advantages from the art. For example, a large part of art shows the traditions, the symbols or the beautiful places of a nation, then those are attracted. As a result, the image of the nation will be enhanced in the global stages and more and more tourists will visit that country which can increase the incomes of national budgets. However, while the art just satisfies a part of the society, health and education are the general demands of every resident in a nation. To begin with, Health is the main reason of the stability and the development of a country. For example, in this year the Corona virus is affecting many nations, they have a big problem with the epidemic, they also have to close customs boundaries which against them trade the products with other nations then leading a shock with their economy. Besides, education is the unforgetable factor, because the higher rate of resident who graduated higher education such as university or collage means the nation' illiterate rates is decline and more and more residents can build the nation effectively. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the national budgets should be invested in personal demand such as health and education more than the art.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, the using of the national budget is a heated topic which is collecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and training are a general demand of the majority of residents.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and individual. To demonstrate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
products such as pictures, photos or a song is a particular way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
soul of a person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
also
have the characters of the authors.
Besides
that, the piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their emotions or record the special moments in their life.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For example
, a large part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the traditions, the symbols or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
places of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, then those
are attracted
.
As a result
, the image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will
be enhanced
in the global stages and more and more tourists will visit that country which can increase the incomes of national budgets.

However
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
satisfies a part of the society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are the general demands of every resident in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is the main reason of the stability and the development of a country.
For example
, in this year the
The term "Coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona virus
is affecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem with the epidemic, they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close customs boundaries which against them trade the products with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
then leading a shock with their economy.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unforgetable
factor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the higher rate of resident who graduated higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
such as university or collage means the nation' illiterate rates is decline and more and more residents can build the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
effectively
.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that the national budgets should
be invested
in personal demand such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a wonderful experience that you shared with a family member, friend, or group. Choose one and explain why the experience was important or what you learned. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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