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Describe a drama series that you like to watch. Please say– Who are the characters? – What is it about? – Why do you like it so much? v.1

Describe a drama series that you like to watch. Please say– Who are the characters? – What is it about? – Why do you like it so much? v. 1
Recently, the rising crime among youth has led to the debate whether they should be tried in court as adult or treated differently because of their age. Although some people believe that they are too young to think before they act, I personally think that youth who commit serious crime should be prosecuted in the same way as adult offenders. Those who think juvenile offenders should not be punished as harsh as adult criminals tend to focus on it potential negative effects. The common concern are it effectiveness and fairness. When people with criminal record re-enter the society, most of them are treated unfairly and likely to find it difficult to find a job. While this is particularly hard for former prisoners who committed crime when they were young and didn’t go to school, it will lead to resentment and potentially reoffend. On the other hand, the long sentence could be totally unfair because of wrong conviction. In order to attract more viewers, the media may sensationalise crime and mislead the jury and judge. Therefore, it is unfair for young criminals to serve the sentences. However, there are some reasons for give young criminals a longer prison terms as same as adult counterparts. Unlike shoplifting, vandalism, and driving without license, offenders can released after pay fine and do some community services, kidnap, rap, and murder are extremely serious crimes which involve someone’s life. Thus, long prison can stop the young criminals from pose a threat to others and make them reflect on their own behaviours in jail. Besides, criminals can still be reformed by the wide range of reformed programs provided in prison, such as counselling, vocational training, religious activities. This help them increase the employability and become law - abiding citizens. To conclude, the harsh punishment can deter young criminals from re-offend and reform them into contributing members of society. I think it should not only be introduced but also should be as severe as the sentence for adult.
Recently, the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
among youth has led to the debate whether they should
be tried
in court as adult or treated
differently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their age. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they act, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that youth who commit serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should
be prosecuted
in the same way
as adult offenders.

Those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
juvenile offenders should not
be punished
as harsh as adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
tend to focus on it potential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. The common concern are it effectiveness and fairness. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
record re-enter the society, most of them
are treated
unfairly
and likely to find it difficult to find a job. While this is
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for former prisoners who committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
when they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and didn’t go to school, it will lead to resentment and
potentially
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffend
.
On the other hand
, the long sentence could be
totally
unfair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
conviction. In order to attract more viewers, the media may
Possible spelling mistake. 'sensationalise' is British English.
sensationalise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and mislead the jury and judge.
Therefore
, it is unfair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to serve the sentences.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
a longer prison terms as same as adult counterparts. Unlike shoplifting, vandalism, and driving without license, offenders can released after pay fine and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
community services, kidnap, rap, and murder are
extremely
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
which involve someone’s life.
Thus
, long prison can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
from pose a threat to others and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them reflect on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
in jail.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
can
still
be reformed
by the wide range of reformed programs provided in prison, such as counselling, vocational training, religious activities. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them increase the employability and become law
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
abiding citizens.

To conclude
, the harsh punishment can deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
from re-offend and reform them into contributing members of society. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be introduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
should be as severe as the sentence for adult.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Describe a drama series that you like to watch. Please say– Who are the characters? – What is it about? – Why do you like it so much? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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