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Describe a club you organized or involved. You should say: What type of club it is, what is your involvement there, what do you do for it, and explain why it is important to you. v.1

Describe a club you organized or involved. You should say: What type of club it is, what is your involvement there, what do you do for it, and explain why it is important to you. v. 1
The existing transport system has seen a revolution across the globe since the invention of the engines. It is commonly believed by many that the current resources should be divulged to build new rail tracks between the cities to enhance the rapidity of the travel while many people are convinced to direct the spending on the available infrastructure instead. In my opinion, the construction of new train lines is prudent and would dramatically change the current concepts of communication among the cities worldwide. The advantages of the railway system far exceed their dis-credits. Firstly, rail tracks are a direct communication link avoiding signals. In other words, the distance covered by the tracks is much shorter than the other modes of the public transport. It is exemplified by the construction of a new track between the holy city of Mecca and Madinah such that the total distance has been reduced markedly. Secondly, the trains can transport much larger number of people as well as luggage. Moreover, the railway journey involves fewer uncertainties in comparison to the other means. Therefore, it is justifiable to believe that more money should be spent developing the rail infrastructure. Contrary to this, it is frequently considered by many that the governments should concentrate their efforts to improve upon the existing framework of the travel. Support for this argument comes from the idea that it will save a huge some of the revenue. For example, considerably less expenditure is needed to improve upon the available roads, the buses and the waiting areas. In addition, the time line wasted on the planning of a new railway line will be avoided. Thus societies should convince the authorities to improve the prevailing infrastructure. Most of the countries are in a dilemma whether to develop the new rail tracks or improve upon the existing means of the public transport between the cities. To recapitulate, construction of the new train networks linking the cities is more beneficial due to the inherent rapidity and the ease of travel.
The existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
system has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a revolution across the globe since the invention of the engines. It is
commonly
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
resources should
be divulged
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to enhance the rapidity of the travel while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are convinced
to direct the spending on the available infrastructure
instead
. In my opinion, the construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
train lines is prudent and would
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
concepts of communication among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
worldwide.

The advantages of the railway system far exceed their dis-credits.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
are a direct communication link avoiding signals.
In other words
, the distance covered by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
is much shorter than the other modes of the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
. It
is exemplified
by the construction of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
track
between the holy city of Mecca and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Madinah
such that the total distance has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
markedly
.
Secondly
, the trains can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
much larger number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as luggage.
Moreover
, the railway journey involves fewer uncertainties
in comparison
to the other means.
Therefore
, it is justifiable to believe that more money should
be spent
developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
infrastructure.

Contrary to this, it is
frequently
considered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should concentrate their efforts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
upon the existing framework of the travel. Support for this argument
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it will save a huge
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
revenue.
For example
,
considerably
less expenditure
is needed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
upon the available roads, the buses and the waiting areas.
In addition
, the time line wasted on the planning of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
railway line will
be avoided
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
societies should convince the authorities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the prevailing infrastructure.

Most of the countries are in a dilemma whether to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
upon the existing means of the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. To recapitulate, construction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
train networks linking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is more beneficial due to the inherent rapidity and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of travel.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a club you organized or involved. You should say: What type of club it is, what is your involvement there, what do you do for it, and explain why it is important to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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