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Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
In the past few decades, the needs of energy had a significant rise, and many countries and energy companies were exploiting oil and gas in some distant areas and natural regions. While this has some beneficial influences on the economy and local people, there are still more corresponding problems. On one hand, exploiting fossil fuel in natural places could pose a large threat to ecology and the environment. For example, a serious oil spill accident happened in the Gulf of Mexico several years ago, resulting from the wrong operation within the process of oil drilling. This accident led to a series of problems, such as ocean water pollution and mass fish deaths. Furthermore, extensive extraction of oil could result in an earthquake and ground sinking. Besides, the relations between some countries have become increasing tense due to the scramble for fuel resources. Many developed countries heavily rely on fossil fuel to drive the economy, and they intend to hunt for oil and gas reserves from overseas. This means that the scramble for fuel could be a threat to national security. On the other hand, the increasing exploitation of oil in distant areas can stabilize the international fuel prices and reduce the intense demand for fossil fuels, because of fuel supply rising. In addition, locating oil and gas in remote places can provide more an employment opportunities to local residents, who are likely to increase their income. In conclusion, there are more negative impacts in exploitation of fuel on the natural environment and international relations, despite some economic benefits in energy markets. Therefore, it is necessary to develop more alternative energy sources rather than fossil fuels.
In the past few decades, the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
had a significant rise, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
were exploiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and gas in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
distant areas and natural regions. While this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial influences on the economy and local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, there are
still
more corresponding problems.

On one hand, exploiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
in natural places could pose a large threat to ecology and the environment.
For example
, a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
spill accident happened in the Gulf of Mexico several years ago, resulting from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
operation within the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
drilling. This accident led to a series of problems, such as ocean water pollution and mass fish deaths.
Furthermore
, extensive extraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
could result in an earthquake and ground sinking.

Besides
, the relations between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have become increasing tense due to the scramble for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
resources.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
heavily
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
to drive the economy, and they intend to hunt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and gas reserves from overseas. This means that the scramble for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
could be a threat to national security.

On the other hand
, the increasing exploitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
in distant areas can stabilize the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
prices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the intense demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
supply rising.
In addition
, locating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and gas in remote places can provide more an employment opportunities to local residents, who are likely to increase their income.

In conclusion
, there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts in exploitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
on the natural environment and international relations, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economic benefits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
markets.
Therefore
, it is necessary to develop more alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
sources
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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