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Cycling has many benefits, yet in some countries there is a decrease in the number of people using bicycles as their main form of transportation. Why is it happening? Give suggestions how to encourage people to use bicycles again. v.1

Cycling has many benefits, yet in some countries there is a decrease in the number of people using bicycles as their main form of transportation. Why is it happening? Give suggestions how to encourage people to use bicycles again. v. 1
It is presumed by many that there has been a tremendous increase in anti-social behaviour and impoliteness towards others owing to some reasons. People should aware about the significance of one’s behaviour and attitude in society, which assist them to reach the desired destination in life. In this essay, I shall elucidate the reason for this unpleasant custom and also indicate some alternatives to surmount it. One of the ideal cause of having a bad attitude or behaviours of the children is a lack of attention from their dear ones. Children could learn how to comport others and ethical values from their family itself. So, parents should monitor closely whether any misbehaviours have undertaken by them or not. They should be strict while bringing up a child in a decent manner. For instance, One leading newspaper states that in the UK there are 70% of parents both working and they do not concern about the personality of their children. Hence, they would lose their best ethical or moral values from childhood onwards. However, the problem can be solved if they have adopted some measures which aid parents to give them as a valuable asset to the society. Parents should spend some time with them to talk or play irrespective of their hectic work schedule. Meanwhile, they can inculcate our customs and traditions with them in a transparent way. As a result, children could recognise the necessity of good behaviours and attitudes which they can impart to the upcoming generation as well. To cite an example, In Japan, there are 60% of women quit their job for the purpose of look after their kids in the early period of growth, which definitely help them to make their children as a fine gentleman in the future. In conclusion, even though there are increasingly unethical behaviours and attitudes among individuals due to lack of improper care of their family, this can be mitigated by the way of spending some quality time with them.
It
is presumed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that there has been a tremendous increase in anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and impoliteness towards others owing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
The word 'aware' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
should aware
about the significance of one’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
in society, which assist them to reach the desired destination in life. In this essay, I shall elucidate the reason for this unpleasant custom and
also
indicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alternatives to surmount it.

One of the ideal cause of having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a lack of attention from their dear ones.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
could learn how to comport others and ethical values from their family itself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should monitor
closely
whether any
Possible spelling mistake found.
misbehaviours
have undertaken by them or not. They should be strict while bringing up a child
Consider replacing "in a decent manner" with the adverb for "decent"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a decent manner
.
For instance
, One leading newspaper states that in the UK there are 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
both
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they do not concern about the personality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Hence
, they would lose their best ethical or moral values from childhood onwards.

However
, the problem can
be solved
if they have adopted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures which aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to give them as a valuable asset to the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with them to talk or play irrespective of their hectic work schedule. Meanwhile, they can inculcate our customs and traditions with them
Consider replacing "in a transparent way" with the adverb for "transparent"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a transparent way
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
the necessity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitudes
which they can impart to the upcoming generation
as well
. To cite an example, In Japan, there are 60% of women quit their job for the purpose of look after their kids in the early period of growth, which definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as a fine gentleman in the future.

In conclusion
,
even though
there are
increasingly
unethical
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitudes
among individuals due to lack of improper care of their family, this can
be mitigated
by the way of spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Cycling has many benefits, yet in some countries there is a decrease in the number of people using bicycles as their main form of transportation. Why is it happening? Give suggestions how to encourage people to use bicycles again. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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