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Some people believe that hobbies should be challenging to be enjoyable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of maintaining a challenging pastime? v.1

Some people believe that hobbies should be challenging to be enjoyable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of maintaining a challenging pastime? v. 1
Education is important for everyone, both boys and girls. There are separate teaching institutes for boys and girls in some nations, while there is a co-education system in some. This essay will discuss the positive and negative aspects of segregated studying structure. Different schools for boys and girls allow them to focus more on learning and leads to less abuse rates. Each gender can study with a free will without being distracted by other sex in the age of life which can ruin their futures. A recent study conducted at Harvard University proved that students from all male academies performed better in national competitions. Isolated system also results in low sexual misuse. Learners are more attracted to people from other sex at that age, which can have serious outcomes. For example, there were more rape cases reported from co-ed networks. . Going to a different school has some disadvantages too. People from both sides of the sex don’t know each other feelings which can have negative outcomes when they go to the same universities. A study done at Oxford University concluded that girls who came from all-girl centres were awkward towards boys and became introverts eventually. This can also increase the number of homosexuals. Being in a separate school and no other option, either gender eventually resort to this choice. For example, homosexuality was on the rise in rural areas in Pakistan before they decided to change the system. In conclusion, some states have distinct educational institutes for both genders whereas other countries have the same. This essay discussed the benefits that it can result in better grades and decreased gender-based violence. It also has some drawbacks and can produce more introverts and increase the frequency of same-sex intercourse.
Education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. There are separate teaching institutes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, while there is a co-education system in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of segregated studying structure.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
schools for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to focus more on learning and leads to less abuse rates. Each gender can study with a free will without
being distracted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sex in the age of life which can ruin their futures. A recent study conducted at Harvard University proved that students from all male academies performed better in national competitions. Isolated system
also
results in low sexual misuse. Learners are more attracted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sex at that age, which can have serious outcomes.
For example
, there were more rape cases reported from co-ed networks.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


Going to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
school has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages too.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from both sides of the sex don’t know each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
feelings which can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes when they go to the same universities. A study done at Oxford University concluded that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
who came from all-girl
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
were awkward towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and became introverts
eventually
. This can
also
increase the number of homosexuals. Being in a separate school and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
option, either gender
eventually
resort to this choice.
For example
, homosexuality was on the rise in rural areas in Pakistan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the system.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states have distinct educational institutes for both genders whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries have the same. This essay discussed the benefits that it can result in better grades and decreased gender-based violence. It
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks and can produce more introverts and increase the frequency of same-sex intercourse.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that hobbies should be challenging to be enjoyable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of maintaining a challenging pastime? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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