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Criminality rates have been escalating in urban areas. What are the reasons? What solutions could be implemented? v.1

Criminality rates have been escalating in urban areas. What are the reasons? What solutions could be implemented? v. 1
Crime statistics have been raising in cities, which is mainly caused by the poor educational system as well as economic crises. Nevertheless, there are ways to tackle these detrimental situations, which will be presented as follows. The first principal cause for the boom of criminality is the lack of job opportunities to citizens, because without having stable positions, people regularly try to find alternative ways to cover for basic needs, consequently illegal options might be attractive to many. For instance, after the 2009 crisis in Brazil, studies showed an increasing of crimes commited by first fellows that were formal workers a couple of years before. A proper solution to this issue would be if the government reduced taxes to entrepreneurs that aim to start new bussinesses and employ citizens, since it would give them a larger budget to spend in staff salaries. As a result, common people would not have to steal or robber to pay the bills. Another paramount reason for increasing rates of criminality is the inefficience of justice, since it allows individuals to commit illegal activities and not receiving a proper penalty for them, as a consequence, criminals tend to commit crimes many times before being locked in jail. To illustrate, Robson Bey, a well-known Brazilian serial-killer, killed four more women during the long criminal process of his first victim, number that could be reduced to zero if he was judged in a reasonable spare of time. One fair solution to this problem would be to increase the number of employees in the justice system, since this would reduce the processing time of serious cases. Therefore, criminals would be in jail before attacking other people. To conclude, the increasing of criminality rates if generally resulted of the reduced number of job positions as long with justice lazyness. Not only could the problem be solved by attracting more companies to the job market, but also increasing the quantity of public employees in the court.
Crime statistics have been raising in cities, which is
mainly
caused by the poor educational system
as well
as economic crises.
Nevertheless
, there are ways to tackle these detrimental situations, which will
be presented
as follows.

The
first
principal cause for the boom of criminality is the lack of job opportunities to citizens,
because
without having stable positions,
people
regularly
try to find alternative ways to cover for basic needs,
consequently
illegal options might be attractive to
many
.
For instance
, after the 2009 crisis in Brazil, studies
showed
an
increasing
of crimes
commited
by
first
fellows that were formal workers a couple of years
before
. A proper solution to this issue would be if the
government
reduced
taxes to entrepreneurs that aim to
start
new
bussinesses
and employ citizens, since it would give them a larger budget to spend in staff salaries.
As a result
, common
people
would not
have to
steal or robber to pay the bills.

Another paramount reason for
increasing
rates of criminality is the
inefficience
of justice, since it
allows
individuals to commit illegal activities and not receiving a proper penalty for them, as a consequence, criminals tend to commit crimes
many
times
before
being locked
in jail. To illustrate, Robson Bey, a well-known Brazilian serial-killer, killed four more women during the long criminal process of his
first
victim, number that could be
reduced
to zero if he
was judged
in a reasonable spare of time. One
fair
solution to this problem would be to increase the number of employees in the justice system, since this would
reduce
the processing time of serious cases.
Therefore
, criminals would be in jail
before
attacking other
people
.

To conclude
, the
increasing
of criminality rates if
generally
resulted of the
reduced
number of job positions as long with justice
lazyness
. Not
only
could the problem
be solved
by attracting more
companies
to the job market,
but
also
increasing
the quantity of public employees in the court.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Criminality rates have been escalating in urban areas. What are the reasons? What solutions could be implemented? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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