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crimes by Minors are on the rose in recent times. the psychologist claims that the fundamental reasons for this is that children these days are lacking the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree / di v.1

crimes by Minors are on the rose in recent times. the psychologist claims that the fundamental reasons for this is that children these days are lacking the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. 1
The violence by the juniors are increasing day by day. Counsellors believe that their family members and mentors are responsible for this as they are not giving moral values to their offspring. I agree with this statement onto large extent, some of the points are mentioned in upcoming paragraphs to support my view. Levels of wrongdoing with the youth is rising rapidly in most cities around the world. Firstly, the lack of supervision of folks; nowadays both father and mother are working to come up with daily expenses. Hence, they get less time to spend with their babies and teach them ethics which are very important for an individual to learn during their growing age. Secondly, the content teenagers are watching on television, if that is not monitored, they can watch shows full of violence. The wrong message received from such episode leads to crime such as heist, rape and much more. To add upon, subject oriented studies. Teachers focus only on their academic subjects and pressurise students to focus on their marks, they don't focus on the overall development of the pupil. A research done by America proves that minors are more into marks race, which is bringing a sense of competitiveness; so, the desire to win provoke them to use unfair means. For example, to score more in examination few kin cheat in their exam and if they get caught doing that, it may affect their future. To wrap it up, I pen down, saying that future minds are groomed enough to decide what is wrong or right for them; therefore, it is the responsibility of both folk and professors to guide their students.
The violence by the juniors are increasing day by day.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Counsellors' is British English.
Counsellors
believe that their family members and mentors are responsible for this as they are not giving moral values to their offspring. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement onto large extent,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
points
are mentioned
in upcoming paragraphs to support my view.

Levels of wrongdoing with the youth is rising
rapidly
in most cities around the world.
Firstly
, the lack of supervision of folks; nowadays both father and mother are working to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with daily expenses.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less time to spend with their babies and teach them ethics which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for an individual to learn during their growing age.
Secondly
, the content
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are watching on television, if
that is
not monitored, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
full of violence. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
message received from such episode leads to crime such as heist, rape and much more.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
upon, subject oriented studies. Teachers focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on their academic subjects and
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurise' is British English.
pressurise
students to focus on their marks, they don't focus on the
overall
development of the pupil. A research done by America proves that minors are more into marks race, which is bringing a sense of competitiveness;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the desire to win provoke them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
unfair means.
For example
, to score more in examination few kin cheat in their exam and if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught doing that, it may affect their future.

To wrap it up, I pen down, saying that future minds
are groomed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to decide what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
or right for them;
therefore
, it is the responsibility of both folk and professors to guide their students.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay crimes by Minors are on the rose in recent times. the psychologist claims that the fundamental reasons for this is that children these days are lacking the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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