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Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under of 18. Some psychologists claim that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under of 18. Some psychologists claim that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. v. 1
The number of crimes committed by young people have been on the increasing trend lately. Furthermore, it has been said in some research articles that, it is in fact the people who are responsible for the upbringing of their children that neglect to teach the nececassary skills that their children must learn. Personally, I agree with this statement for the reasons mentioned below. Firstly, parents do not spend enough time at home with their children which leads to less emotional bonding with their child. In other words, parents these days focus more on running behind money and leave their kids alone at home with no one to show love and care. One of my uncle's child for example, was left alone at home most of the times as both of his parents were working. To no one's surprise, the child used to play violent video games all day long and this took a huge turn in his life as a grown-up as he committed a serious crime recently, and is in jail as a result. That is why, the supervision, love and care is extremely important for a person from a very early stage in his/her life. Secondly, teachers fail to teach certain important human traits in school and purely focus on the syllabus materials. To be more specific, teachers these days are more inclined towards finishing up their subject materials than disciplining their students if they happen to misbehave in class with their friends or with other teachers. My 7 year old son, for example, had been constantly bullying another student in his class in front of his class teacher for a long time, and this matter did not get to my ears until the affected student himself complained to me that he was bullied my own own son. If this is was brought up to my attention by the teacher early on, then this unfortunate situation could have been clearly avoided. In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is the duty of both the parents and the teachers to mold a child into a good samaritarian. Failing to spend time at home with their children on the parents side and focusing only on teaching subjects on the teachers side are two main reasons for a child to lack emotional and social learning.
The number of crimes committed by young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been on the increasing trend lately.
Furthermore
, it has
been said
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research articles that, it is in fact the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are responsible for the upbringing of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that neglect to teach the
Possible spelling mistake found.
nececassary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement for the reasons mentioned below.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which leads to less emotional bonding with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
these days focus more on running behind money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their kids alone at home with no one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care. One of my uncle's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
for example
, was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone at home most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
as both of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were working. To no one's surprise, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play violent video games all day long and this took a huge turn in his life as a grown-up as he committed a serious crime recently, and is in jail
as a result
.
That is
why, the supervision,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a person from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early stage in his/her life.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
fail to teach certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
human traits in school and
purely
focus on the syllabus materials. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
these days are more inclined towards finishing up their subject materials than disciplining their students if they happen to misbehave in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
with their friends or with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. My 7 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
son,
for example
, had been
constantly
bullying another student in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in front of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and this matter did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to my ears until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
student himself complained to me that he
was bullied
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
son. If this is
was brought
up to my attention by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
early on, then this unfortunate situation could have been
clearly
avoided.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that it is the duty of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to mold a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
samaritarian
. Failing to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
side and focusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on teaching subjects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
side are two main reasons for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to lack emotional and social learning.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under of 18. Some psychologists claim that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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