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Crime is a problem all over the world and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it. v.1

Crime is a problem all over the world and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it. v. 1
It is true that the rate of crime has far considerably boomed in many parts of the globe. All age groups’ lives have negatively been affected by this inflation, and I think overpopulation, immigration, and employment issues are prominent factors behind it. To tackle them, some important solutions are needed to be implemented by governments and by the society. I agree that the crime rate in the world has increased but I also believe that this can be tackled. Obviously, the rate of offence has inclined far dramatically since last decades. One important reason behind it is that expansion of cities and increasing density of people have not been in parallel. Escalation the rate of rage among juveniles, armed robberies, and rape are three obvious examples that unfortunately police and other security authorities have not been successful in controlling them. Another reason is the occupation. Sadly, the number of jobless individuals has fundamentally increased globally. The economy recession occurred in 2008, caused the number of jobless people raised far significantly. For example, only in the USA, this rate reached from 5% to over 10%, causing more citizens to have insufficient income; therefore, Americans committed more money crimes and tax frauds. Lastly, immigration has been another leading reason behind it. Moving and living in other developed countries, immigrants have committed more violations because they have faced more financial problems, and they intentionally or unintentionally crossed the lines, which have been extremely important for the local government. To address this problem, some proactive actions must be considered by administrations across the world. One is controlling the population, especially in central cities. Restricting those rural people deciding to move into urban areas, the rate of crime will become more controllable. In particular, in Tehran, the living cost was dramatically pulled up as the government decided to avoid people living in the suburb to move into Tehran. This led the state being able to control better violators, according to a local press report. Moreover, governments must open better job opportunities for job seekers. Definitely, had the U. S authorities valued more the unemployed citizens, the rate of vandalism would have been declined far significantly. And last but not least, immigrants must be valued more. Instead of uncontrollably increasing their numbers, the host country must raise the needed budget for their training, accommodation, and create more job opportunity. To sum up, crime rates have escalated on the Earth. To prohibit them, I personally believe that governments of countries must improve job positions for both local residents and immigrants, and controlling of the population in cities must be a leading priority.
It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
considerably
boomed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the globe. All age groups’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have
negatively
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this inflation, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
overpopulation, immigration, and employment issues are prominent factors behind it. To tackle them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
solutions
are needed
to
be implemented
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and by the society. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in the world has increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
believe that this can
be tackled
.

Obviously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
has inclined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
dramatically
since last decades. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason behind it is that expansion of cities and increasing density of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not been in parallel. Escalation the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of rage among juveniles, armed robberies, and rape are three obvious examples that unfortunately police and other security authorities have not been successful in controlling them. Another reason is the occupation.
Sadly
, the number of jobless individuals has
fundamentally
increased globally. The economy recession occurred in 2008, caused the number of jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
raised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
significantly
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the USA, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
reached from 5% to over 10%, causing more citizens to have insufficient income;
therefore
, Americans committed more money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and tax frauds.
Lastly
, immigration has been another leading reason behind it. Moving and living in other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, immigrants have committed more violations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have faced more financial problems, and they
intentionally
or
unintentionally
crossed the lines, which have been
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To address this problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proactive actions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
by administrations across the world. One is controlling the population,
especially
in central cities. Restricting those rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deciding to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into urban areas, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
will become more controllable.
In particular
, in Tehran, the living cost was
dramatically
pulled up as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
decided to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the suburb to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into Tehran. This led the state being able to control better violators, according to a local press report.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
open better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers. Definitely, had the U. S authorities valued more the unemployed citizens, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of vandalism would have
been declined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
significantly
. And last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, immigrants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be valued
more.
Instead
of
uncontrollably
increasing their numbers, the host country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
raise the needed budget for their training, accommodation, and create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
have escalated on the Earth. To prohibit them, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions for both local residents and immigrants, and controlling of the population in cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a leading priority.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Crime is a problem all over the world and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
435 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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