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Countries should restrict foreign companies from opening offices and factories in order to protect local businesses. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Countries should restrict foreign companies from opening offices and factories in order to protect local businesses. v. 2
Nowadays, private organizations are helping countries in developing and increasing their financial economy by providing employment and opportunities to the local people. Subsequently, the foreign company should be welcomed but the governments need to stay close to the local businesses, too. To begin with, foreign organizations bring numerous advantages if they open branches and offices or factories in any country. Firstly, new jobs will be formed for citizens; undeniable, they come with better salary and promotion opportunities. Furthermore, working in such a place requires special skills which help you develop yourself. Secondly, these multinational companies will boost the economy as the government collects a hefty amount of different taxes from these industries. Moreover, these corporations most likely produce high-quality goods such as daily, technology and food products which uplift people’s daily life and their living condition by diversifying the market which may benefit the consumer due to the cheaper prices. However, foreign industries can impact the local companies because the workers in local businesses may leave their current jobs to join the foreign companies due to better working space and higher salaries. As a result, there would be significant decreases in productivity and profit margins because there are talented differences. Indeed, the government should come forward to support own local businesses by reducing taxes, having a price support scheme, so that these savings can be paid to employees as bonuses or perks. Therefore, administrations should promote local markets for the betterment of a nation. To sum up, there are some undeniable benefits brought in by foreign companies but they can harm the local industries if governments allow multinational corporations to establish their branches and offices
Nowadays, private organizations are helping countries in developing and increasing their financial economy by providing employment and opportunities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Subsequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should
be welcomed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
need to stay close to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses, too.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
organizations bring numerous advantages if they open branches and offices or factories in any country.
Firstly
, new jobs will
be formed
for citizens; undeniable, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with better salary and promotion opportunities.
Furthermore
, working in such a place requires special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you develop yourself.
Secondly
, these multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will boost the economy as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
collects a hefty amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
taxes from these industries.
Moreover
, these corporations most likely produce high-quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
such as daily, technology and food products which uplift
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s daily life and their living condition by diversifying the market which may benefit the consumer due to the cheaper prices.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
industries can impact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the workers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
jobs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
due to better working space and higher salaries.
As a result
, there would be significant decreases in productivity and profit margins
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there
are talented
differences.
Indeed
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses by reducing taxes, having a price support scheme,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that these savings can
be paid
to employees as bonuses or perks.
Therefore
, administrations should promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets for the betterment of a nation.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undeniable benefits brought in by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can harm the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
industries if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
multinational corporations to establish their branches and offices
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries should restrict foreign companies from opening offices and factories in order to protect local businesses. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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