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Countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other type of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree v.1

Countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other type of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. 1
It is believed by many that the financial aid received by developing countries from developed Nations is a major form of assistance, however, other school of thought have been able to counter this opinion stating that other forms of assistance supersedes that of monetary gains, I am of the opinion that there is more to development than money hand-out. Firstly, the help received by these underdeveloped countries are not usually accounted for resultantly, used for what it was intended. Most of the funds have been known to be embezzled by their top leaders thus leaving the financed project unattended. In other words, monies meant for developmental projects are being channeled to other uses which will not yield the desired results. For example, the ETFund (Educational Trust Fund) project which was given to Nigeria by UNICEF was misappropriated by the then leaders. Adittionally, the elimination of poverty can only occur organically and any attempt to eradicate it with an otherwise method will only prove abortive. Several political scientists have analyzed the effects of top-down approach in solving the menace poverty, and they have discovered that the only lasting solution is a bottom-top approach which involves efforts such as, developmental projects- the construction of roads and bridges, opening their border to allow products from third-world countries-this in turn will improve the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) of these African Nations. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that monetary aid from Advanced Nations to Poor Countries have proved to be ineffective over time. And as such, other forms of assistance like opening the border and allowing African products into their shores, awarding contracts that UNICEF is popular for and ensuring Foreign Direct Investments are better alternatives to financial aid.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the financial aid received by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
from developed Nations is a major form of assistance,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
have been able to counter this opinion stating that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
forms of assistance supersedes that of monetary gains, I am of the opinion that there is more to development than money hand-out.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
received by these underdeveloped countries are not
usually
accounted for
resultantly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for what it
was intended
. Most of the funds have
been known
to
be embezzled
by their top leaders
thus
leaving the financed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
unattended. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, monies meant for developmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
are
being channeled
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
which will not yield the desired results.

For example
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ETFund
(Educational Trust Fund)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to Nigeria by UNICEF
was misappropriated
by the then leaders.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Adittionally
, the elimination of poverty can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
occur
organically
and any attempt to eradicate it with an
You used an adverb ('otherwise') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('method') instead of another adjective.
otherwise method
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prove abortive. Several political scientists have analyzed the effects of top-down approach in solving the menace poverty, and they have discovered that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lasting solution is a bottom-top approach which involves efforts such as, developmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects-
the construction of roads and bridges, opening their border to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
products from third-world countries-this in turn will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) of these African Nations.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that monetary aid from Advanced Nations to Poor Countries have proved to be ineffective over time. And as such,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
forms of assistance like opening the border and allowing African products into their shores, awarding contracts that UNICEF is popular for and ensuring Foreign Direct Investments are better alternatives to financial aid.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other type of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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