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Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty. But some other people argue that industrial growth is creating environmental problems and it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty. But some other people argue that industrial growth is creating environmental problems and it should be stopped. v. 1
It is an ongoing debate between two groups of individuals. Former view states that industrial development is required to decrease a poorness. On the other hand, latter group thinks that it can cause damage to the nature and it should be restricted. Before giving my opinion, both views need to be critiqued with relevant examples in the forthcoming paragraphs. Focusing on the former view, the foremost argument put forward by the people is that increase in the number of manufacturing plants is necessary to solve poverty. Destituteness has became a major issue for the developing countries such as, India. For example, there is one factory named 'IFFCO'. Which is situated near my hometown in a rular area. Mostly, all the workers of that company are belonging to that area. So that, it can decrease a poverty as well as an unemployment. Furthermore, industries can not be builded in the city or an urban places. Therefore, it is builded outside the city and provide jobs to the people of a surrounding places. Contradictorily, it can cause a major damage to the environment. Firstly, for the construction of the plants it is mandatory to destroy forests or farms. Secondly, there are many waste materials which have been throwing outside and result in a damage of a nature. Moreover, it can lead a health problem to many workers. Additionally, it can pollute the air. Thereby, polluted air along with decreased amount of trees can also lower the oxygen level which leads to major issue. To sum up and give my opinion, the industrial development is very beneficial for the population of poor people. It can help to decrease an unemployment and to increase the growth of the people who are poor. So that, it has very benefits which are capable to overcome the disadvantages of the same.
It is an ongoing debate between two groups of individuals. Former view states that industrial development
is required
to decrease a poorness.
On the other hand
, latter group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that it can cause damage to the nature and it should
be restricted
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
giving my opinion, both views need to
be critiqued
with relevant examples in the forthcoming paragraphs.

Focusing on the former view, the foremost argument put forward by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that increase in the number of manufacturing plants is necessary to solve poverty.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Destituteness
has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
a major issue for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
such as, India.
For example
, there is one factory named '
Possible spelling mistake found.
IFFCO
'.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is situated
near my hometown in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
rular
area.
Mostly
, all the workers of that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
The verb 'belonging' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are belonging
to that area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, it can decrease a poverty
as well
as an unemployment.
Furthermore
, industries can not be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "built", the past tense form of the verb 'build'?
builded
in the city or an urban
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "place"?
places
.
Therefore
, it is
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "built", the past tense form of the verb 'build'?
builded
outside the city and provide jobs to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of a surrounding places.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Contradictorily
, it can cause
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "major damage".
a major damage
to the environment.
Firstly
, for the construction of the plants it is mandatory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
forests or farms.
Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
waste materials which have been throwing outside and result in a
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
a nature.
Moreover
, it can lead a health problem to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers.
Additionally
, it can pollute the air. Thereby, polluted air along with decreased amount of trees can
also
lower the oxygen level which leads to major issue.

To sum up and give my opinion, the industrial development is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for the population of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to decrease an unemployment and to increase the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are poor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
benefits which are capable to overcome the disadvantages of the same.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty. But some other people argue that industrial growth is creating environmental problems and it should be stopped. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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