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Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.20

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 20
Nowadays, all the countries are becoming very similar due to the availability of products anywhere and everywhere, and the people are able to buy them without any discomfort. Moreover, I believe that this is a positive development, because it helps the public to get any items without any discomfort. Firstly, with the development of technology, the things that were impossible in the past has become possible. Indeed, this is factual because, because in the past, people had either unheard or just got to know about the pizzas, burgers and continental foods, which is famous in a particular place, but now everybody can eat these dishes without any discomforts. For instance, my friend who is studying in Portugal, once told me that she had eaten something named “Vindaloo” which is a meat curry and that its taste was amazing. Moreover, I wanted to try this dish, so when I searched for restaurants that can deliver this curry, to my surprise I found more than 20 restaurants, where this is cooked and delivered. Finally, when I got it, I took a picture of it and sent to her stating that it is also available in India and that I am having it. Secondly, because of the development, many fruits, vegetables, electronics besides these cosmetics which are of international brands are easily available, which adds a positive impact to the society. For example, the Revlon product which is a famous American branded cosmetic is now obtainable in India and many people who like this brand are able to buy it easily. Furthermore, due to the exporting of a country’s artefact to another, there will be exchanging of items and it is a way of maintaining a healthy relationship with neighbouring nations. In conclusion, according to me, since all the artefacts are easily obtainable, even though there may be pitfalls, but still its advantages outweigh them. Moreover, I wish this continues even in the future, so that the whole world stays together by demolishing the barriers among the nations.
Nowadays, all the countries are becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar due to the availability of products anywhere and everywhere, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them without any discomfort.
Moreover
, I believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any items without any discomfort.

Firstly
, with the development of technology, the things that were impossible in the past has become possible.
Indeed
, this is factual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had either unheard or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to know about the pizzas, burgers and continental foods, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in a particular place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
everybody can eat these dishes without any discomforts.
For instance
, my friend who is studying in Portugal, once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that she had eaten something named “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vindaloo
” which is a meat curry and that its taste was amazing.
Moreover
, I wanted to try this dish,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when I searched for restaurants that can deliver this curry, to my surprise I found more than 20 restaurants, where this
is cooked
and delivered.
Finally
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
it, I took a picture of it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to her stating that it is
also
available in India and that I am having it.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fruits, vegetables, electronics
besides
these cosmetics which are of international brands are
easily
available, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact to the society.
For example
, the Revlon product which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Make sure that the adjective 'American' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'branded'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
American branded
cosmetic is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
obtainable in India and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who like this brand are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it
easily
.
Furthermore
, due to the exporting of a country’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefact' is British English.
artefact
to another, there will be exchanging of items and it is a way of maintaining a healthy relationship with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
nations.

In conclusion
, according to me, since all the
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
are
easily
obtainable,
even though
there may be pitfalls,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
its advantages outweigh them.
Moreover
, I wish this continues even in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the whole world stays together by demolishing the barriers among the nations.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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